Even the great Jonny Carson utilized guest hosts (remember Garry Shandling’s frequent appearances in the guest host chair?), so tonight, I would like to introduce my first “guest post” on Cookies by Dave, my beloved, caring, and talented big sister Kathy.
By the way, my sister and Garry Shandling share something in common. When my sister lived in Germany, she would grow tired of German television, which apparently was very soccer intensive in the late 1980s. Well, Kathy would ask me to tape American television shows and mail the VHS tapes to her. At that point in time, I was fascinated by “It’s Garry Shandling’s Show” and even though my sister was not fond of the show, I would still faithfully tape episodes and mail them to her. Annoying younger brother? Mission accomplished. So as an intro, I would like to recite by memory the opening theme to “It’s Garry Shandling’s Show.”
“This is the theme to Garry’s show, the opening theme to Garry’s show. This is the music that you hear, as you watch the credits. I’m almost to the part of where I start to whistle, then we’ll watch, “It’s Garry Shandling’s Show. [insert man whistling the theme song]”
So without further adieu, I present to you, “Where in the World are Aunt Kathy’s socks?” by my amazing, talented, loving, and infinitely forgiving sister, Kathy Carlin.
“It was a rather blustery night. The sort in which most sensible aunts would be inside sipping tea…perhaps with a bit of honey. But Uncle Jimmy, being the matter-of-fact chap that he is, insisted on covering the newly poured cement. And that meant that Aunt Kathy would need to help him. And THAT meant that Aunt Kathy would not only need to find her work shoes but also her socks. “I know I saw them around here somewhere,” said Aunt Kathy (who was rather hoping that the longer she took to get dressed, the less time she would have to spend in the gale-force wind and sleet). “HMPH” snorted Uncle Jimmy (sounding a bit like a woozle with a cold), “It will only take us 5 minutes. Common,” he said as he scurried outside. “Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh ddddddear”, said Aunt Kathy shivering at the thought of going out into the pitch black yard where she was sure the Chupacabra was hiding. Reluctantly she bundled up and headed out to the back porch where, to her amazement, there in the deepest darkest coldest recesses of the house… next to a pile of artificially flavored beverages (the sort that Uncle Jimmy’s prefer), her garden shoes, and a long neglected dog leash was… HER SOCKS! Hastily she put them on and, in no time, the cement was covered and Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jimmy were back inside sipping tea by the fire – with honey of course – laughing and telling tales about the fabled Chupacabra.”
Editor’s Note: the Chupacabra is NOT a legend. It is real. They especially like to attack people with exposed toes. Be careful, be very, very careful.