All posts by Dave Paulsen

Life is simple. Love God, neighbor, baseball, and cookies.

The Pennant Disgrace Champs… Two Bad for Just One! (10/03/21)

The baseball season has long been compared to a marathon, well in the case of the 2021 Baltimore Poorioles and the Arizona Take-em-Backs it was more like them battling it out inside a dumpster fire on the Titanic. Yep, we were all glad to see the fire put out, but at what cost?

Coming into this week, those two somewhat-teams were in a race to the bottom and both stumbled over the finish line, face planted, and tasted the bitterness of 110 loss seasons. Bruh. Really, a tie? That’s like kissing, not your sister, but for 110 losses, more like the bottom of your sister’s shoe, after a walk through the forest. Yes, lots of sadness, regret, and sort-of-a-minty-damp-Earth bad taste in your mouth.

So last week, the Poorioles put on a valiant effort to save the nation from the inevitable, another Yankees-Red Sox playoff game alksdfans; Oh sorry, I seem to have fallen asleep at that thought. Any who, the Poorioles pulled it together, stopped winning, and dropped Game 162 to the So-Blue-at-the-Thought-of-No-More-October-Baseball Jays in a fitting drubbing of 12-4. At least make it look like you are not racing to the bottom.

As for the Take-em-Backs, I thought they had it, I really did. Then to the shock of the State of Arizona (word has it that they even looked up from recounting ballots to watch), Josh VanMeter homered in walk off fashion. I will not even dwell on Mr. VanMeter’s .212 season batting average, because the Baseball Gods have given me something sooooooooo much better to reflect upon. Josh VanMeter’s nickname is (wait for it, it is worth it, I promise) “Meat Sauce” (too good to be true, which by the way was my nickname in college). So “Meat Sauce” grilled the Rock-Bottomies. I am sorry, but “Meat Sauce?” What a delicious finish for the Take-em-Backs.

Well, there you have it. A tie at the bottom. Congrats to our Co-dolences the Poorioles and Take-em-Backs. Now enjoy your offseason of heavy drinking and try to forget 2021. Sadly, good advice for all of us.

The End… of the 2021 Regular Season.

The Pennant Disgrace Heats Up! (09/26/21)

Here we are entering the final week of the season and things are really heating up in the race to the bottom.

The Baltimore Poorioles and the Arizona Take-em-backs are knotted at 106 loses. A fine total for any all-time epically bad team, but these contenders have more to give, including wins to actual pennant contenders.

As for the Poorioles, they face the Red Sox and Blue Jays, both needing wins, while our fearless contestants, the Poorioles simply want to survive. Live another day. Hope this quality of play actually counts toward their service time.

And how about Cedric “Why Must I Suffer Here” Mullins? Trapped in a Poorioles uniform, while he struggles not to show up his teammates too much. Yep, he has 30 homers, 30 stolen bases, and has a batting average of… .299?!? Really, one point off from a 30/30/.300 mind altering moment. Give us one more point, buddy. Please. What a showoff, sort of. Sort of like the Poorioles are a major league team, sort of.

Hold it right there! Don’t give the Poorioles the title just yet, because we have the Take-em-backs, a fearsome bunch with star players such as Madison Bumgarner, who by the way will certainly not be pitching in the World Series this year, which I am sure makes Bumgarner mad like a well Mad-Bum (fitting), but I disgress. The Take-em-backs have star fire power such as Bumgarner and well, that’s it. Zero. Zilch. Nadda. Nothing. In fact, their leading homerun hitter according to www.mlb.com is Eduardo Escobar with 22 homeruns for the Brewers. What?!? In a cost saving move, did they fire their stats guy, as well?

Well, the Take-em-backs are scheduled to face the Giants, who need wins, and the Rockies, who need to figure out who will still play for them, after they trade Trevor Story in the offseason.

So there you have it, a battle to the bottom. Right now based on strength of schedule, the Poorioles seem to have the edge, er disadvantage, and the pity of the nation.

See you in one week, to reflect on this season’s winner, er loser.

My condolences to the Twins (insert your own “double” joke), Paingers, Senators, and Pie-rats. You did a fine job losing and maybe next year will be your time, but for now, look on and commence with trading whatever you have left.

And it seems fitting to say, “My apologies to Steve Harvey” (a.k.a the brilliant Los Angeles Times sportswriter who authored “The Bottom 10”).

“Hobo Dinner” – Dinner Tonight (10/21/20)

HOBO DINNER

“Okay, upfront let’s just apologize for the odd name. Get this, that’s not even the silliest part of this dinner. You see, I cut the little smokies in half using kitchen sheers. When my wife sees me preparing the little smokies in this fashion, she refers to it as “snipping the wienies.” This makes my boys cower in fear. Any who, enjoy!”

28 ounces Frozen O’Brien Potatoes

14.5 ounces Canned Cut Green Beans, drained

14 ounces Little Smokies, cut in half

1 ounce Ranch Dressing Mix

10.75 ounces Cream of Mushroom Soup

Combine all of the ingredients in a crock pot.

Cook on low for 4-5 hours. Do not overcook or the potatoes will get mushy.

Revised Source – “Hobo Dinner” recipe found in “It’s Our Crockin’ Life” by Nicole Sparks and Jenna Marwitz.

“Brown Sugar Apple Cake” – Dessert of the Night (10/20/20)

BROWN SUGAR APPLE CAKE

“After a five month blog break, I felt refreshed. Ready to post again. Visiting www.CookiesbyDave.com, I was greeted by an error message. My site was down. Fear rushed through me. Was it all gone? Was my beloved site dead? Sixty minutes of a suspense filled phone call to technical support and one forgotten pin number later, my work had returned. My blog was reborn. Much the same, this recipe was made minus the prescribed amount of sugar. Panic calmed, brown sugar came to the rescue. A tasty new recipe was born.

The blog. The apple cake. Perfect for a global pandemic. A reminder that just like my blog, we shall once again see the other side, a fresh start, the taste of sweetness that we deserve. Enjoy!”

4 cups Apples

1/2 cup Sugar

1 1/2 cups Brown Sugar

2 cups Flour

1 1/2 teaspoons Baking Soda

1 teaspoon Salt

2 teaspoons Cinnamon

2 Eggs

3/4 cup Vegetable Oil

2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Pare and slice the apples.

Mix together the apples and sugar.

Toss the apples in the dry ingrediants (flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon).

Stir in the eggs, vegetable oil, and vanilla extract.

Pour into a parchment paper lined and floured 9″x13″ baking dish.

Bake for 50 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

Let cool slightly and serve with ice cream.

Makes about 16 servings.

Revised Source – “Apple Dessert” recipe by Mary (Teutschmann) Lindsay in “2000 Potatoes, Bread, and Milk” Zaugg Family Cookbook.