The baseball season has long been compared to a marathon, well in the case of the 2021 Baltimore Poorioles and the Arizona Take-em-Backs it was more like them battling it out inside a dumpster fire on the Titanic. Yep, we were all glad to see the fire put out, but at what cost?

Coming into this week, those two somewhat-teams were in a race to the bottom and both stumbled over the finish line, face planted, and tasted the bitterness of 110 loss seasons. Bruh. Really, a tie? That’s like kissing, not your sister, but for 110 losses, more like the bottom of your sister’s shoe, after a walk through the forest. Yes, lots of sadness, regret, and sort-of-a-minty-damp-Earth bad taste in your mouth.

So last week, the Poorioles put on a valiant effort to save the nation from the inevitable, another Yankees-Red Sox playoff game alksdfans; Oh sorry, I seem to have fallen asleep at that thought. Any who, the Poorioles pulled it together, stopped winning, and dropped Game 162 to the So-Blue-at-the-Thought-of-No-More-October-Baseball Jays in a fitting drubbing of 12-4. At least make it look like you are not racing to the bottom.

As for the Take-em-Backs, I thought they had it, I really did. Then to the shock of the State of Arizona (word has it that they even looked up from recounting ballots to watch), Josh VanMeter homered in walk off fashion. I will not even dwell on Mr. VanMeter’s .212 season batting average, because the Baseball Gods have given me something sooooooooo much better to reflect upon. Josh VanMeter’s nickname is (wait for it, it is worth it, I promise) “Meat Sauce” (too good to be true, which by the way was my nickname in college). So “Meat Sauce” grilled the Rock-Bottomies. I am sorry, but “Meat Sauce?” What a delicious finish for the Take-em-Backs.

Well, there you have it. A tie at the bottom. Congrats to our Co-dolences the Poorioles and Take-em-Backs. Now enjoy your offseason of heavy drinking and try to forget 2021. Sadly, good advice for all of us.

The End… of the 2021 Regular Season.