Some mysteries remain elusive…

– Bigfoot

– The Loch Ness Monster

– My cold and damp in the underarms bathrobe

What?!?  Back up!

That’s right.  My bathrobe is cold and damp in the underarms and I don’t know why.  Every morning, I wake up.  Stumble to the closet.  Reach for my bathrobe and instant unpleasantness awaits me.  Not so much moist, but rather just damp.  Sort of like moss is growing at the top of the sleeves.  Nasty.

Everything else about the plaid bathrobe seems fine.  It receives an occasional washing.  It sits in a portion of the closet with what is believed to be good air circulation.  The fabric is thin enough to resist water retention.  Is it something I’m doing wrong?  Is there some strange half-life to Old Spice deodorant that isn’t well advertised?  Worse yet, am I the problem?  Is there something wrong with me?  Do my armpits become so warm and arid at night that whatever I slip on seems quite the opposite?  Am I a cold and damp in the underarm bathrobe wearing freak?  Yes, that is the most likely answer, but please don’t agree, it’s hurtful.

Know that I am a good man.  A man who knows that the world needs me to slip on a bathrobe, before retrieving the morning newspaper.  A man who knows that sacrifices must be made for the greater good.  Even if it means slipping on a bathrobe with cold and damp underarms and starting every morning off on a very wrong (and borderline nasty) foot.

PS – I think it may be time for me to invest in a new robe.  #ItsAboutTime