12:35 AM

and the dog starts licking

You hear the dog being gross, but you are too tired to act

and the dog keeps licking

The dog appears to have the need to lick every inch of his body from nose to toes

and the dog keeps licking

Your spouse wakes up and tries to stop the dog

and the dog keeps licking

You nickname them “Licker” and “Yeller,” but you accidentally say it out loud, because you are stupid

and the dog keeps licking

A pond of drool forms in your bed

and the dog keeps licking

Your spouse wisely relocates to the Guest Bedroom

and the dog keeps licking

You try to fall asleep, but cannot, because of the noise and growing sense of wetness surrounding you

and the dog keeps licking

You cannot think of any solutions, because you are too tired to think straight

and the dog keeps licking

Now you are loudly telling the dog to stop and the man who moments ago mocked his spouse as “Yeller” has become the “Yeller” himself

and the dog keeps licking

Resigned to your fate, you will yourself to a restless sleep in a pool of dog saliva and regret

and the dog keeps licking