This year, I utilized a new strategy for the purchase of elementary school valentines. Rather than wait until the last minute and get whatever remains were left on the shelf (really, what boy wants to distribute Hello Kitty valentines, because that’s the only remaining box in the sad windswept aisle at Target?), I made the kids make their selections in mid-January. I know what you’re thinking, “Mid-January? Get a grip, Paulsen.” No, honest, it was one of the best parental moves that I have made. As soon as I saw the shelves get stocked with heart shaped candies, we swooped in. There waiting for us was a bonanza of valentines. All shapes and sizes. A plethora of “Be Mine” happiness.
6-year-old Ben selected some Captain America valentines and we stashed them away. Flash forward a few weeks to the present and apparently kids in Ben’s kindergarten class have begun bringing their valentines to school, which has created a level of anxiety in young Ben that he is falling behind. As a result, earlier today we assembled the Captain America valentines and got them ready for distribution.
As I helped apply heart shaped stickers, I realized that I had not looked closely at the Captain America valentines. What I found was nifty (I think I just aged forty years, when I typed “nifty”), as well as deadly (there we go, typing “deadly” took me right back to hyper-testosterone-charged teen years. It’s a nice feeling to drop 25 years). The valentines came with a hidden picture feature. Take the long pointy stick (no lie) that comes included with each valentine and rub the paper to reveal colors on Captain America’s uniform. How strangely patriotic, semi-artistic, high tech, and yes deadly, all at once.
Captain America is armed and ready for Valentine’s Day.
Getting ready to pack up the valentines, Ben requested that I attach a piece of candy to each card. Once again, my teen brain delighted in the obvious choice. Staple on a heart shaped lollipop and now each valentine contains not one, but two sharp sticks. What a lovely and irresistible choice. Nothing says romance like pointy weapons.
Plus, after Valentine’s Day, they can be used as mini chopsticks.
Next year, heart shaped safety goggles.