Q:  Why was Dave wearing a sweater with a prominent hole in it to church?  A hole in his sweater located on the northern foothills of his belly.  Shameful.

A:  Said hole was discovered during the church service and is consistent with every other article of clothing that I own.  Seemingly every piece of my apparel has been partially destroyed by the never ending northern winter.  Gloves, socks, underwear (gasp!), shirts, jeans, and now this sweater all falling victim to ceaseless subzero temps.

Q:  Why not remove shameful sweater with a hole and just wear the undergarment?

A:  I would have, if a dress shirt dwelled beneath.  Unfortunately, a highly inappropriate brewery shirt was underneath.  A brewery shirt that featured crazed abolitionist John Brown holding a beer, instead of a gun.  Cool t-shirt, but certainly needing church appropriate covering, holey or not.

Original painting of John Brown.  Gun, bible, and crazy eyes.

John Brown, the T-Shirt Version.  Beer, tap, and crazy eyes.

Q:  Is the holey sweater still part of Dave’s stunning garment collection?

A:  It has been donated to Kirby the Beagle’s crate, where it will be unceremoniously torn to shreds by a protesting imprisoned pup, never to return again.  Rest in peace holey sweater, you served me well.

Kirby’s new bedding…  the sweater’s last stop.