[My advance apologies to you, my eight loyal readers.  This post is being written while under the influence of post-minor surgery painkillers.  You see, I had an ugly toe that needed attention.  I believe this ailment is commonly known at UTS or Ugly Toe Syndrome.  Any who, nothing to worry about, but if this post is a little more “off” than usual, I have a good reason.]

Waiting in the hospital to have my ugly toe surgery, I sat there in my open back surgical garb, while my wife patiently waited for her opportunity to wait some more in the appropriately named “Waiting Room.”  Lots of waiting, sort of like flying with powerful sedatives, which by the way may lead to flying, if not taken in the prescribed dosage.

Waiting, with my paper garb and lovely behind in constant danger of saying hello to the world, a nurse passed by and said to my wife, “I really like your outfit.”  Sure, she was dressed up all professional and stylish for work, but what about me?  I’m the dude who is about to get dissected, plus I looked all hospital sassy in my breezy cover up.

A few minutes later, another nurse passed by and complimented my beautiful bride on her choice of apparel, including this time, her shoes.  Ugh.  I stood no chance.  I needed to switch tactics.  I needed attention and my uber fit spouse was trouncing me in that category.  I needed to turn to verbal charm.  Not a strong suit for me, but I would give it a try.

Nurse number 46 entered the room to ask the same questions for the 46th time, just in case I changed my name, birthday, or medications within the last four minutes.  Nurse number 46 got to the “Do you drink alcohol?” question and I was ready.  With a sideways smile, I responded, “Only when needed.”  Nurse 46 smiled, gave a small chuckle, and wrote “Smartass” on her chart.

Given a dose of much desired attention, I waited for the next nurse to arrive.  I had to wait about 15 seconds.  The next nurse (#47) introduced herself and launched into the same questions, again.  Fortunately, I was ready.  “Do you drink alcohol?”  “Only when needed.”  Another smile, soft laugh, and smartass notation.

All in all, a good day.  Pain meds, independently verified saucy looking wife, and smiling nurses.  Winning, surgery prep room style.