So today, I went back to school.  Well, not really to school, but back to a campus to attend a seminar.  It was stepping onto the campus that I realized a lot of things had changed for me.  Now, when I walk around campus, I no longer look like a disheveled student, instead I look very much like a disheveled associate professor.  Hurrying past the Meat Processing Sciences Building (or some such title), I could see it in the eyes of the other obviously disheveled associate professors, as they were thinking, “Who is the new disheveled professor-like dude?”  Well, never fear.  This disheveled fellow is just heading through the cold wind to a seminar.  Carry on.

After sitting through a few sessions, I was feeling pretty good about myself.  It had been a good day, I had managed to take away one or two useful ideas.  My new standard for success.  Then I sat in on a research based session.  Very technical.  Very scientific.  Very much after lunch.  Very hard to stay awake.  I was fading fast.  Then one of those dot-scatter-graphs was used to make some point about suitable water conditions for an invasive weed or something like that and my mind began to race.  Could I beat the rush hour traffic, if I ducked out of the session now?  Would I miss anything other than a few more charts that I would really really have to try super hard to understand?  I had already gained some useful knowledge from the day.  My standards had been met.  Then I realized these were new standards for me.  When I was an actual student, I felt obligated to attend class.  It cost money.  The least I could do was sit through class, even if I did not understand a word being said or a concept being presented.  Maybe attendance alone could get me a “C.”  [Note:  based on my experiences, only a “C-“ was guaranteed for attendance alone.  Sort of the old “C- for Effort” creed.]  That was my old standard, my new one did not require 100% attendance.  Bailing was certainly an option.

Suddenly, waking me from my stat based slumber, there it was!  My opportunity!  “I think we will take questions at this time.”  Question and answer time, giddy-up, I was out of there.  Sadly, I had realized that although I look like an associate professor, I could never be one.  I have lost all tolerance for scatter graphs.