‘Twas the Friday of Spring Break and the end was near. I wanted to figure out an activity that would make the final day fun for the boys. Breakfast out. Yes, easy win. Then I informed the boys of their boring task of the day, they would need to accompany me to the grocery store (boo, hiss). That is the moment that little 6-year-old Ben offered me a lifeline, “Can we play the claw machine?” Yes! The fun I so desperately sought. The mighty claw machine at the grocery store, which is filled with stuffed animals. The mighty claw machine that sucks up quarters and dispenses disappointment. The mighty claw machine that must be vanquished!
We had settled down for breakfast and I was managing to keep the noise at our table to a dull roar, when an older gentleman stopped by to refill my coffee. In a playful tone, he asked my boys, “Have you seen the Easter Bunny?” This question made me smile in that it brought back memories of one night in college, when a few of us drove around to various establishments on the Saturday before Easter asking, “Have you seen the Easter Bunny?” Well, we received a variety of responses that night, some playful (the radio station), some seemingly annoyed (hotels, if I remember correctly). Any who, I smiled as my boys shrugged their shoulders confused about the appropriate answer. Then unexpectedly, the man glanced over his shoulder and turned around. Much to my surprise, sticking out of the rear of his jeans was a bunny tail! In a stunned fashion, I let out a slight giggle. My boys were still utterly confused, but seemed to appreciate the silliness of the moment. Then, as if that was not enough, the man made the tail wiggle from side-to-side. Thankfully, I kept my shock to myself, as my mind wondered what muscles were required to make this wiggling take place. Needless to say, the price of breakfast was well worth it.
Exiting the breakfast establishment, still trying to wipe the vision of the bunny tailed jeans from my mind, we headed toward the claw machine. One additional stop would be needed to fully defeat this foe. The bank. A roll of quarters. Now we were ready! Bring it on! Settling in, we stared down the vending machine full of odd looking stuffed animals. We had been defeated by the claw machine before, but this time was different. This time we were ready. We had lots of quarters. Plenty of ammunition was on hand. The timer whirled. The claw released. The action was blinding. The excitement was non-stop. When the dust cleared, our expedition had been a raging success. We had bagged five stuffed animals. (Clarification: I stilled needed to raid the car’s change bin and the actual cost per animal was about $2.75 each, but still five is an impressive claw machine total by any measure.) The variety was also impressive: a stuffed duck with a football body, a fuzzy robot Easter basket, two animals (one lion, one dog) dressed as bunnies, and the best of all a “TV Brick.” Yes, a TV Brick. Soft and brick looking, the toy was intended to be thrown at your TV during sporting events in case of a bad officiating call. Manufactured in China, it had been baked with the finest stuffed animal clay. It was truly a victory for the good guys. Our team had defeated the claw machine. We felt like champions!
Having conquered our Claw Machine adversary, we returned home to continue our Spring Break quest of watching all six Star Wars movies, plus two cartoon variations, in succession, without losing our minds (okay, that last part was just for me). Sitting down to watch Episode III “Revenge of the Sith,” I had the TV Brick ready and aimed. You see, the Star Wars prequels have this animated doof of a character named Jar Jar Binks. If anything in Star Wars is worthy of a TV Brick, it is Jar Jar Binks. Well, perhaps an annoying kid version of Anakin Skywalker or a whiny rant from C-3P0 or Luke, but other than those cases, oh and the Ewoks, too, Jar Jar Binks ranks right up there in the deserving of a TV Brick category.
Thinking I would be funny and even though I told the boys repeatedly that they were to never actually throw the TV Brick at the TV, when Jar Jar’s goofy mug appeared on the screen, I could not control myself. I let loose. I let the brick fly. Stunned, the kids watched as the brick flew through the air and struck the TV screen. Then what happened remains etched permanently in our collective memory as the screen flashed a bright white light in the area of impact. My heart sank. I feared as if I had done something truly horrible. Something unspeakable. The TV appeared to have been taken down by the TV Brick. After the combined gasp of the Paulsen boys, the brick rebounded and as soon as the white flash had appeared, it once again vanished. No harm had been done. I had committed a grave sin and by divine grace received a pardon. The TV would live another day. The TV Brick would forever be grounded.
Simulated impact of the TV Brick.
Reflecting back on the day, I realized that I narrowly avoided disaster, but more importantly had created a memory. Years from now, the Paulsen boys may remember their father to be a tad bit foolish and impulsive, but he certainly knew how to close out Spring Break with a bang.
The TV Brick appears to have played a significant, but underreported, role in the destruction of the first Death Star.