Dear Retailer,

Thank you for helping me with my online Holiday purchase.  The gift was received in a timely fashion and I was pleased with the quality.  I see a bright future for our relationship.

At this time, however, I feel it important to be brutally honest with you.  You are smothering me.  The attention that you shower on me can never be reciprocated.  I feel inadequate.  Unable to even find the time to read, much less open, your voluminous correspondence.

Every day, you fill my inbox with a minimum of two letters.  This does not seem like much, but I have a confession to make.  I have been shopping with other stores.  Lots of other stores.  Stores here and abroad.  I have always been safe in my transactions, but they all feel it necessary to shower me with attention.  Take your attention and multiply it ten fold and you will begin to understand the pressure that I am under.

I know that with you it is not SPAM.  I never would say such a thing.  I know you take the time to customize.  I know you try to fulfill my every need.  It just feels like too much sometimes.  Too frequent.  Too forced.  When you contact me, it should be something special or at least something free.  No strings attached.  No desire for my money in return.  That’s what I desire from our time together.  That’s the bright future I see.

Now, don’t get all high and mighty with me.  I know for a fact that you have thousands of shoppers, who also frequent your doorstep.  Many of these same shoppers you shower with the same attention that you give me.  You must be exhausted.  All that being said, don’t pretend that I am someone who is extra special to you.  Yes, I know that each customer is precious and unique, but you play the game.  Don’t for a second pretend that is not the case.

As a result, I must request that you stop contacting me.  I don’t mean that it is over between us.  I will still show up unannounced and share a special retail moment with you.  I will still visit you online and order that something special.

We still have a future, just not exclusive, and not as intense.

Yours in the Truest Form of Capitalistic Love,

Dave