Taking advantage of the last forecasted day of nice weather, I decided to rake some of the leaves in the backyard. Raking away, I was met by something unexpected…  anger.  Sure, raking is a yucky chore, worthy of a little angst, but this was different.  I was angry about all of the work associated with moving.  Angry that I was preparing the yard for a future owner.  Tired at the thought of another move.  Angry.  Not so much mad about our move’s destination.  We are going to a great new town, with a beautiful house waiting for us, and an exponentially better job for Charlene.  It was however not how I envisioned it happening.  Beginning last spring, we had been in many ways forced to leave our home.  Forced to make changes.  Forced to change schools mid-year.  Forced to leave dear friends.  For a time, forced to live apart from my wife, who I miss so much.  Forced to now clean up these damn leaves and I would not even get to enjoy the tidy yard next spring.  I was angry.

What made it even worse was that I felt guilty for being angry. We have an exciting future ahead of us.  New opportunities.  New friends.  New adventures await.  Things that really do give me hope and cause me to look forward, but maybe it was the leaves, maybe it was the changing weather, maybe I am just tired of it all, but I was angry and in turn I was being downright and shamefully ungrateful.  Yes, my anger was a source of shame.  That’s when I remembered an old sermon given by a guest pastor from our old church.  In fact it was three churches ago, which again reminded me of how often we have moved and why I have a right to be tired.

That guest minister spoke of the human condition, but first spoke of a squirrel. A squirrel that he had seen earlier in the week, as it darted back and forth across the road.  Sure the squirrel was acting foolishly, but it was also acting the way that squirrels do, the way God made them.  In much the same way, people sin.  They act foolishly.  They are ungrateful, even as God’s many blessings unfold before them.  Humans acting as humans do.  The human condition.  Not that we should give up on trying to improve, but we should also forgive ourselves for being human, just as God forgives us.

So let us not dwell. It’s okay to be angry.  It’s okay to be bitter.  It’s okay to be human, but we must not dwell in that dark place.  Just as staying in the road is hazardous for the squirrel’s health, remaining in those dark emotions do us harm.  So onward.  So look to the future.  A future where so many blessings unfold to form new beginnings.  A future of sunny days, when the leaves are green and back up on the trees, right where they belong.