So Thursday night our cable started to get all pixely and it completely messed up our Colbert viewing (Fail 1 – Should’ve called cable company at that point). On Friday, the television seemed to be working better, so I figured that the gremlins within the cable lines had moved along (Fail 2 – Why was I really so foolish to think the problem solved itself so easily). Then earlier today (Saturday – Day 3 of the Epic Tale), the cable was once again all pixeled out (I hear that cable modems lose their fizz, just like soda… Fail 3 – Horrible analogy).
On the phone with the cable company, I was clearly holding the phone up to my ear and at points talking to either a computer or human. Then my preteen son wandered into the room with his eyes fixed on his tablet. Seemingly oblivious to my phone conversation, even though as mentioned the phone was up to my ear, he perched close by and started singing. I believe it was a song in response to some “Clash of Clans” battle, but I’m not sure (Fail 4 – Very unobservant, Paulsen). Any who (Fail 5 – How old am I? 97? Any who? Really? Nice wording, Gramps), he started singing a song from the ‘80s, something like “We’re Not Gonna Take It” or “Hit Me with Your Best Shot,” but those seem too fitting for my call into the cable company. This post would be better if I remembered the actual song (Fail 6), but trust me, it was something I did not want the cable operator to hear, but I was also proud of my son knowing an ‘80s classic (Fail 7 – Should this really be a source of pride? Perhaps, just fondness or something like that).
The problem was that I needed my son to be quiet, so that I could hear the phone conversation so that my son would have yet another screen to lose himself in, plus it would be embarrassing having the cable guy hear the somewhat mocking song, the title of which I still cannot remember. Shaking my head at my boy, silent language speak for “Knock it off!,” I noticed that he wasn’t looking at me. Just singing. Singing perhaps loud enough for the cable man to hear and thereby jeopardizing the mission (Fail 8 – Overdramatic Penalty). Considering my options, I gave him a soft “thump” on the top of the head to get his attention (Fail 9 – What kind of a father are you issuing a soft thump? Well in my defense, it certainly wasn’t a “thwack” or a “thunk.” No, it most definitely was a soft and somewhat loving “thump.” Fail 10 – Over justification of the parental fail noted in Fail 9). Looking up annoyed, my son saw his silent instruction and well, fell silent (Fail 11 – Lazy double use of the word “silent”). By the way, it wasn’t so long ago that such an interaction might have occurred between Doctor Huxtable and Theo on “The Cosby Show” (Fail 12 – Now, that’s just sort of a sad and now sort of a creepy by association observational fail).
Well, best to stop at a dozen fails for one post. Let’s just say that the fails associated with this drama should come to an end sometime between Noon and 2PM on Monday (aka “Day 5”). We can all subscribe to that.