I try hard, I really do. I workout (a lot). I eat pretty healthy (with some relapses, but give a guy a break). I am well dressed (enough to be socially acceptable). I am very clean and well groomed (most would agree). I smell good (I’m just assuming this, since I have yet to observe people slowly backing away). Also, I’m a friendly dude (fact).

The living definition of a pretty fine dad.

Well, I found my limit. In spite of my best efforts, I found a barrier that I could not cross.

My good looks alone were not enough to get by the moms staffing the high school track meet $7 admission table.

I have been trying to be good, I really have. My attempts at cutting back on caffeine have at points even been impressive. Some days, even some weeks, I can now go without a cup of coffee. That’s right, this freak show is now powered by sleep.

So the other morning, I took my boys to a greasy spoon. It was all that I could have asked for with its counter seats and a multitude of egg and breakfast meat dishes. Plus, the smell of coffee. Wonderful black authentic diner coffee.

So I ordered a cup. It was intoxicating. The flavor rolled of my tongue. I smiled. What a lovely morning.

I chatted with my boys, a lovely sort of banter. I reached for my cup and found it full. The waitress had walked by and topped me off. Lovely, magical, and much appreciated.

The scene repeated itself. A gulp or two of coffee. More conversation. A persistent waitress topping off my cup.

Before long, I must have downed seven or eight cups or gallons. Really, who was counting? Yes, it was a lovely morning and if I had really tried, I truly believe I could have sprouted wings and flown home. Yes, some mornings are magical, especially when the magic is fueled by coffee.

While celebrating Star Wars Day, my son reached for a Tie Fighter cheese and cracker snack. Impressed with the clever snack, it was pointed out to my son that the wings were held on with Cheese Whiz.

With a confused look on his face, he asked, “What’s Cheese Whiz?”

And with that, I humbly accept the Parent of the Year Award.

It’s an annual tradition. Every Spring, I desperately try to learn the names on the Little League baseball team. After all, there’s only so many times that you can address every kid as “Buddy.”

In order to help me learn names, I developed a drill. The kids stand in a line and take turns throwing me a ball. As the kid throws the ball, they say their name. As I catch it, I repeat the boy’s name. For example, the kid says, “Toby!” Catching the ball, I say, “Great throw, Toby!” By the way, they’re not always good throws and they’re rarely named Toby.

After a while, I begin to test out their names. For instance, the kid approaches and I go, “Toby (?), throw it to me.” By the way, a lot go by me, even throws from kids not named Toby.

Well, I was doing the drill today. A kid approached. I thought I knew him. I said, “Okay Mason, throw me the ball.” Frustrated and confused, the boy said, “I’m Ben!” Yes, that would be my son Ben.

Uh, what’s the name of my optometrist? I think a checkup is overdue.

PRINCESS LEIA OREO-GANA CLOUD CITY WHIP

“Get ready to enjoy a May the Fourth Star Wars dessert that belongs with Lando in the clouds. Enjoy!”

3 cups Milk

1 package Oreos

2 count 3.4 oz boxes of Vanilla Instant Pudding Mix

16 oz Cool Whip

8 oz Cream Cheese, softened

1 cup Powdered Sugar

Place the Oreos in a gallon sized Ziploc bag and crush with a rolling pin. Set aside.

Using a whisk attachment, mix together the milk, vanilla instant pudding mix, Cool Whip, and cream cheese. Mix until smooth.

Gradually mix in the powdered sugar. Mix until smooth.

Spread one half of the crushed Oreos in the bottom of a 9″x13″ pan.

Top with one half of the whipped cream mixture.

Top with the remaining Oreos.

Spread the last of the Cool Whip mixture to create a cloud like top layer.

Store in the fridge.

Enjoy and May the Force be with you.

Serves about 16.

Revised Source – somewhere in the depths of Pinterest, the original recipe exists. Sadly, it has been lost to the ages, sort of like the Star Wars Christmas Special.

Today, we had our first Office Holiday Party planning meeting of the year. I know, I know, the party is in December, but these events just don’t happen. They require at least one planning meeting early in the year, so that we can forget what was decided, before we meet again in October.

Well, one of the topics was the judging for the food competition. Serious business like this resulted in an epic suggestion, “What if all of the judges were named Jennifer?” Love it! Plus, we could say something cool, like “The Jennifers have spoken and the winner is…” Also, it reminds me of Mike Doughty’s song, “27 Jennifers,” which makes me smile.

Then I got to thinking, could we pull it off? Would enough Jennifers say “yes?” This made me consider what my son once theorized about me. “Dad, I bet you walk around work and say, ‘Hey,’ and the people say, ‘Hey’ back and then you chat and tell a story and then do that again.” Well, pretty much just like that, but in this case I would have a plan. Simple favors to ask of all Jennifers and my chattiness would finally come in handy. That is if we remember this idea in Autumn.

Meeting adjourned.

Here at Cookies by Dave, I only have one rule: if I think of potential material, WRITE IT DOWN. Usually, it’s just a scribble. A few words as a reminder, but I am consistent and I always WRITE IT DOWN.

Tonight, as I struggled for a topic, I went back through my notes.

“Bottomless coffee.” Yep, that was about the waitress who kept bringing me coffee, until I felt like I was going to sprout wings.

“Bad at the video game.” That one was about how I tried to play a video game with my boys. I was not just bad, I was horrible. I was not just horrible, I was epically badly horrible.

“Walking taco poem.” Oh, that is going to be a classic someday.

Then came a perplexing one… “Syrup a plenty.” What? Did I have an abundance of syrup? Was this some sort of blessing? Why would it ever be of interest? I have no clue. Myself in the past really should have left a better message for my future self, because in the present, I’m just confused.

Well, it’s time to wrap up this meandering and forgetful walk through a pothole filled memory lane. May all of your notes to yourself make sense and may all of my future posts be of better quality than this one. Now, that would be a double win, especially with lots of syrup on top.

Laugh all you want, but in primitive cultures, I would have been held in high regard for the ability to utilize the bags under my eyes as a sundial.

$7.25 is a small price to pay for breakfast and an extra “e” with your cheese.

As I walked out to get the Sunday paper, I heard a bird chirping over head. It was a simple two note song, “tweet tweeeet,” or something close to that. Such a sweet gift to the morning from such a little bird.

Just think, if something as small and delicate as that tiny bird can lift up the morning, just think what you can do. Just think of the smiles you can make. The kind gestures you can accomplish. The good that you can do.

Just think about what a gift you are to the world, just by being you.