No matter how hard it seems. No matter how steep the odds. No matter how unlikely. Never give up. Never abandon hope. Never step away… from the Claw Machine.

Spending the day, a beautiful sunny day, fixing the lawn. A once beautiful lawn that has since been demolished by our pup. Yes, fixing that lawn and we look up. We look up and see our dog peering out the window. Peering out the window with a look on his face. A look on his face that says, “Go ahead and fix the yard. Good luck with that. I’m gonna tear it up again tomorrow. I promise you that.”

Topic – Dog.

Summary – Kirby (our beagle) snuck into our son Sam’s room and gobbled up a bag of Skittles that were located under Sam’s bed.

Question that Begs to be Answered – Why would anyone store candy under their bed? Proper seasoning? (Yes, there were two questions there. You are welcome for the bonus.)

Serious Repercussion – Apparently Skittles make Kirby fart.

Sad Realization – That’s not what any of us expected at the end of the rainbow.

My fourth grade son, Ben brought home a positive page thing from school. It appears as if kids took turns saying positive things about each other and writing them down. Think of an uber supportive yearbook signature page.

Let’s see what Ben’s colleagues had to say.

Lots of “You are smart” or “funny” comments. There’s even a smattering of “good at sports” type comments.

Wait! What does the one up by his photo say?

“You are ugly.” Who signed that? Wait, it was signed by… Ben. My boy wrote “ugly” about himself. Now, I would be worried, if I didn’t know that Ben was joking.

As a result, I think the description by his photo should be amended to read, “Smart-ass.”

Vacuuming under my car’s backseat, I discovered a throwing star among a multitude of food crumbs.

At first, I was startled to find out that one of my boys may be a ninja. Then I got to thinking, it’s even more startling that a ninja cannot successfully navigate food from their hand to their mouth.

Apparently enrollment in the Witness Protection Program comes with a shave and a fresh change of clothes. Who knew?

When your meeting notes are depicted on an outfield wall, you deserve peanuts and Cracker Jack delivered directly to your cube. #BoxSeats

One sock on a foot, one sock on a counter. Must be food prep time in the Paulsen House. Come and get it!

Having lunch with my boys, my son Sam raised the question of time travel. “If you could go back in time, but your life would be equally shortened by that same amount, would you do it?”

Responding, I said, “Here’s the rub, you could not go back in time farther than you have left to live.”

From that point in the lunch forward, I was mercilessly mocked by my teenage son Jacob for using the word “rub.” Most of which began by saying in a voice imitating me, “Kids, here’s the rub.”

Well boys, the rub appears to be getting prepared to be endlessly mocked, if you use the word “rub.”

Yep, it certainly would be worth traveling back in time to rub that one out.

When you begin to look like you were pulled from a Hemingway novel, it might be time for a new look.