At precisely 7:40AM every weekday morning, well okay sometimes when I sleep in it is closer to 7:45AM, I drive my oldest son 12-year-old Jacob to school.  Sure, he could walk on the days where he does not need to lug his enormous trombone to school, but I have to admit, I also drive him for somewhat selfish reasons.  I like the time alone with him.  The opportunity to chat.  The chance to just be ourselves.  Look in the rearview mirror and see the great kid he is and the promising young man he is becoming.

So the other day, I dropped Jacob off at school.  It was like any other day.  We chatted about the song on the radio.  I searched the landscape for his friend who always walks across the football field to school every morning.  I held the dog, so our pup would not attempt an escape.  We clarified the afternoon’s schedule and said our goodbyes.

Driving home alone in the car with my trusty sidekick beagle, I continued listening to the radio.  Singing along with the music.  Commenting on particulars.  That’s when it hit me, I was chatting with Jacob, even though he was no longer in the car.  Over the past twelve years, he has become such a seamless part of my life, such a joy to behold, such a blessing, that I just accept him as a fact.  Always there.  Always loved.  Forever my son.

 

Walking through the store with my three boys, my middle child 8-year-old Sam asked a question to the group (it is not unusual for Sam to come up with questions out of the blue for group consideration…  a tendency passed on from his father), “What is the craziest thing you ever did in school?”  Without thinking, the truth spilled from my lips, “At the University of Michigan, on the last day of school, we would run naked through campus.”  There you have it.  It was out there.  The truth.  The shocking truth.

Mostly my boys giggled with stunned glee at this new tidbit of information.  My oldest son 11-year-old Jacob however looked mortified.  Trying to comfort him, I added, “It was only a mile.”  This did not help.  I could see the wheels turning in his head, as if to say, “If they do that at Michigan, I’m never going to go there for college.”  I had one more chance, but I had to act quickly.  That’s when I added one more final bit of truth, “Don’t worry, they don’t do that anymore.”  Ah, a look of relief washed over young Jacob’s face.  Indeed, the truth is shocking, but it shall also set you free.

By the way, this evening, I am especially thankful for one thing, the Internet was only in its infancy when I attended college.  #truth

 

Open Letter to my Dear Beloved Children,

No matter how much you enjoy your current game, you know the one that appears to involve you randomly running around the house screaming as loud as possible, I don’t want a front row seat.

Thank you in advance for your understanding.

Love,

Your Tired and Now with Slightly Pained Ears Father

STEEL CUT OATMEAL COOKIES

My apologies for the delay, I was a week behind with my “Cookie of the Week” posts, but the great news is (drum roll, please)…  now, I’m all caught up!

“Using up all of the random ingredients in our pantry, I was intrigued by the container of Steel Cut Oats.  I asked myself, ‘Dave (I address myself like that in my thoughts), why not make a cookie with these?’ Well, challenge accepted, self.  The cool thing is that the Steel Cut Oats provide a sort of nutty texture within these cookies, so the result is a fun take on traditional oatmeal cookies.  Enjoy!”

10 Tablespoons Butter

½ cup Sugar

½ cup Brown Sugar

1 Egg

1½ teaspoons Vanilla Extract

1½ cup Flour

½ cup Steel Cut Oats

1 cup Quick Cooking Oats

½ teaspoon Baking Powder

½ teaspoon Baking Soda

1 teaspoon Cinnamon

½ teaspoon Nutmeg

½ teaspoon Salt

½ cup Raisins

½ cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

 

Cream the butter, sugar, and brown sugar.

Mix in the egg and vanilla extract.

Mix in the flour, steel cut oats, quick cooking oats, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.

Stir in the raisings and chocolate chips.

Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Place Tablespoon sized balls of dough onto parchment paper lined baking sheets.

Bake for 9 minutes or until lightly browned on the top.

 

Makes about 36 cookies.

Revised Source:  “Fatherly Cookies” recipe on www.diyfromscratch.wordpress.com.

 

COTTAGE GROVE MAPLE SUGAR COOKIES

“After a weekend of working on and painting our beautiful new ‘Cottage in the Grove,’ it seems appropriate to celebrate with a Cottage Grove, Minnesota, themed cookie.  Taking inspiration from Cottage Grove’s logo, this cookie contains a delicious hint of maple (very appropriate for a ‘grove’), as well as a crisp sugar cookie texture.  So sit back and enjoy a Cottage Grove Maple Sugar Cookie, wherever you live.  I know I’ll be enjoying mine in the Paulsen Family Cottage in Cottage Grove.”

1 cup Butter Flavored Shortening

1¼ cups Sugar

2 Eggs

¼ cup Maple Syrup

3 teaspoons Vanilla Extract

3 cups Flour

¾ teaspoon Baking Powder

½ teaspoon Baking Soda

½ teaspoon Salt

5 drops Green Food Coloring

5 drops Blue Food Coloring

Green Sprinkles

Blue Sprinkles

 

Cream the shortening and sugar.

Mix in the eggs, maple syrup, and vanilla extract.

Mix in the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

Separate the dough in half.  Add the green food coloring to half and the blue food coloring to the other half.

Wrap each half separately in plastic wrap.

Refrigerate for four hours.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Roll the green dough out to 1/8^th inch thick.

Use a capital “C” cookie cutter to make a green “C.”

Sprinkle green sugar on the “C” cutout.  Set aside.

Roll the blue dough out to 1/8^th inch thick.

Use a capital “G” cookie cutter to make a blue “G.”

Sprinkle blue sugar on the “G” cutout.

Place the “G” cutout onto a parchment paper lined baking sheet.

Place the “C” cutout to the left and barely overlapping the left edge of the “G.”

During baking the “C” and “G” will become a single cookie.

Bake for 9 minutes or until golden brown.

Cookies are best enjoyed in Cottage Grove, Minnesota, the new home of the Paulsen family.

 

Makes about 36 cookies.

Revised Source:  “Maple Sugar Cookies” recipe on www.tasteofhome.com.

 

Picking up the old flower pot in the shed, I’m not sure who was more startled, the mouse or me.  Yes, a terrifying (actually small, but very quick and I’m sure filled to the brim with evil in his dark heart) grey mouse, a natural adversary ran out the bottom of the pot.  Setting the pot down, I soon saw a mouse friend exit.  Then another crawling up the wall.  Then another running headfirst into the wall (obviously not the smartest of the bunch or else very sleepy).  Then another heading for the door.  Quickly, I pulled the infested pot out of the ambush zone.  The pot then produced another, then another, then another, then yet another.  Nine total.  Nine too many.  It was the clown car of mouse hovels.

Now, I have no choice.  Shock and awe.  Time to drop the hammer on my rodent foes.  #TakeBacktheShed

 

That moment when you realize, it probably wasn’t a good idea to travel with a propane tank and a full can of gas in the back of your car.  Yep, that moment when you suddenly become the safest driver on the road.  Anywhere.  Ever.  #SelfPreservation #PassItOn

Filling up my car at my favorite gas station, (Walt’s in Willmar, Minnesota, which features free popcorn.  Yeah, I know.  Free popcorn.  Yum.) I happened to glance down.  There on the ground, inches from my feet, was a recipe card.  Grabbing the card, I looked around.  No one else filling up their cars appeared to be looking for a lost recipe.  It was as if the north winds had lifted the recipe and deposited it at my feet.  Now, my job was to obey the calling of the winds and prepare the recipe for “2 Flavor Fudge.”

Copy of the actual recipe card, which landed at my feet.  It was meant to be.  This recipe was my destiny.

With a dense texture and a rich blend of butterscotch and chocolate, this recipe will fortify your taste buds and satisfy your hunger.  Now, you’ll be prepared for whatever the north winds blow your way.  Enjoy.

“Walt’s 2 Flavor Fudge,” now for all the world to share.  No need waiting for a copy to be delivered at your feet.  Feast your eyes and satisfy your soul.

WALT’S 2 FLAVOR FUDGE

2 cups Brown Sugar

1 cup Sugar

12 ounce can Evaporated Milk

½ cup Butter

7 ounce jar Marshmallow Cream

1 cup Butterscotch Chips

1 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

 

In a pan, combine the brown sugar, sugar, evaporated milk, and butter.

Bring to a boil over medium high heat, while stirring frequently.

Reduce heat to medium and continue boiling for 15 minutes, while stirring occasionally.

Remove from heat and stir in the marshmallow cream, butterscotch chips, and semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Continue stirring until the mixture is smooth.

Stir in the vanilla extract.

Line a 9” square pan with aluminum foil.

Pour the fudge mixture into the pan and refrigerate for 6 hours or until completely firm.

Remove from pan.  Cut into squares and enjoy.

 

Makes about 25 servings.

Revised Source:  “2 Flavor Fudge” recipe card that the wind blew in.

 

Working through lunch, I figured that I would grab something from the vending machine.  Gathering some spare change from my car, I headed toward the vending machines with the best intentions.  I had 85 cents.  The popcorn was in my site.  I started plugging the loose change into the machine.  The total grew.  10 cents.  20 cents. 45 cents.  70 cents.  I was getting so close and then something horrible happened.  I dropped a nickel.  Where it rolled to, I had no clue.  I looked around and short of crawling around on my hands and knees to look under the machine, I knew it was lost.  Putting in my final dime, the machine stopped at 80 cents.  One blasted nickel short of the popcorn.  I would need to settle.  Settle for the peanut butter crackers.

Munching through the crackers, I thought it would be okay.  I was wrong.  Shortly thereafter, I sneezed.  A strangely deep and guttural sneeze.  So deep in fact that the chorus of “Bless you” wishes cascading over the tops of the cubicle walls was one short.  She explained, “I wasn’t sure if that was a cough or sneeze.”  Oh dear, now I know not what I have become.  One thing I know for certain, this would not have happened had my vending machine desires been fulfilled.  The lost nickel had thrown me off.  Now, my body was making strange noises unfamiliar to even my fellow humans.  Sadly, I all that I needed was for my popcorn desires to have been granted and my nickel in its proper place.

 

Pulling into Menards with my U Haul trailer in tow, I had just a few simple things to purchase.  The purchases soon however became a secondary concern, as I was alerted to the fact that I had a flat.  Not just a flat of the slow leak kind, but a your tire is straight up dead because it took on that screw that must have been lying in the road 100% kind of flat.

Rain pouring down, I put on the spare tire and hopped back into the car.  Turning the key, nothing happened.  The battery was dead, not just a struggle to come on sort of dead, but a no response at all and by the way you will need to reprogram all of your radio stations kind of dead.  (Apparently the battery had been “leaking acid.”  Uh, that just sounds bad.  Not just bad, but a yucky if you were a human you would need to go to a doctor and have that checked out kind of bad.)

Getting a jump, I abandoned all hope of completing my mission to Menards.  Tired and wet, I pulled into Midas and was informed that I would need to first remove the U Haul.  The very heavy and unnecessarily difficult to unfasten U Haul.  Lifting up the trailer, I set it down…  on…  my…  foot.  Not just a saddened bolt of pain, but rather a slow to realize that I was really that stupid kind of pain.  Of course it had to be, such things were meant to come in threes.