I know it’s wrong.  I know it’s not right.  I know I should stop, but it’s so much fun.

When stuck in traffic, I like to bob my head up and down, sing real loud, and appear to be dancing around.  It’s not so much that I’m really into the song on the radio.  I just like to make the other drivers jealous of the great song that I must have on the radio.

#TrafficJam #CopingMechanism #TurnItUp #DanceLikeNoOneIsWatching #MakeEmJealous #RealJealous

Let me start by saying that I got a lot done at work today.  That being said, I’m not as embarrassed to share this.

When a co-worker is off-site we playfully decorate their cube.  Today, my cube neighbor Lisa was out, so in less than 5 minutes, I created a Dixie Cup Man for her cube.

Cool, huh?  Well, sort of embarrassing, even though I did get a lot done at work today.  Honest.

So at dinner tonight, my 9-year-old son accidentally poked himself in the head with a fork.  Now, that’s embarrassing.  Kind of puts Dixie Cup Man in perspective, doesn’t it?

#FeelingBetterAboutMyself

I don’t care if it is just a sign.  As I enter a restroom, I don’t want to hear any commentary about sockets.

Changing into dry clothes, I heard a disturbance outside.  My wife had been sitting in the sun and my boys splashing in the lake.

Suddenly, my wife was now calling to them, “Get out of the water!” That however wasn’t the most disturbing part.  It was the response of my children.

Looking befuddled, they tilted their heads and released a volley of questions sounding something like this…

“What?”

“Why?”

“Get out of the water?”

“Why?”

That’s when my wife explained that a mink was swimming toward them.  I guess all those coats made the silky furred mammal a tad aggressive and he had found just the right slow witted humans upon which to exact the revenge of his species.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.  Huh?  What?

As my wife gradually walked into the lake water, I knew I had my challenge cut out for me.  Be playful, but not annoying.  Be silly, but not endanger my well being.

I slithered on my belly through the shallow water.  Charlene was in the water up to her ankles judging if she wanted to go in further.  Seeing my not-so-stealthy approach and accurately assessing my devious intentions, she warned, “Don’t touch me.”

Testing the boundaries, I stuck out a single index finger from beneath the water and gently poked her leg.  She had every right at this point to kick her annoying husband, but she waited for my next move.

I poked again trying to garner some response.

Witnessing this interaction from the safety of the boat dock, our 7-year-old son Ben assessed the situation.  “Dad is like a 2-year-old trying to annoy people.”

Ah, good call young Ben.  Just add “playful” to the 2-year-old description and I think you’ve painted a pretty fair picture.

When your new neighbor appears to be a Sith Apprentice…

there goes the neighborhood.

Oh yes, this tastes like summer…

#TheMostWonderfulTimeOfTheYear

I love my flip flops.  They just say “summer” to me.  Plus, they also give me the best of all sandal tans.

Well, earlier tonight, I had to make a Target run.  I grabbed my keys, hopped in the car, and got sad.  Yep, I was barefoot.  I had even forgotten the most minimal of foot apparel, the flip flop.  Society would not accept my behavior.  You know that your mind has completely embraced summer, when flip flops even seem like too much footwear.

Ah, the beauty of a carefree summer mind.  Now, if only Target would agree that my bare feet are welcome, all the world would smile and I would walk free.

As my wife glanced across the dinner table, she noticed something that was completely lost on my cluelessness.

“Son (name withheld to protect the innocent), are you wiping your hands on your shirt?”

Son removing his hands from his shirt responded, “No, (insert lame excuse/lie).”

Well, you certainly should not use your shirt as a napkin (even I know that), but points for having the common sense not to waste a perfectly good confession on something as small as that.  Save it for something big (even I know that).

Okay, time to revamp my fitness goals.  Instead of running a half marathon, my new goal is to look like I belong at a half marathon.

Here’s the test.  People either say…

“That guy can run a half marathon?”

or

“That guy can run a half marathon.”

Sadly, I estimate that change in punctuation weighs about 40 pounds.  Who knew that a “dot” could be so heavy?