Firecracker Boy, You Just Ain’t Right

That moment. It’s that moment, when you find something just over-the-top funny.  So incredibly funny that you begin to weep.

You’re not sure why. You don’t even know if anyone else considers it humorous.  You don’t even know if you will find it funny again.  You don’t care.  All you know is that you are now crying.  Plus, you will need to use some Visine at lunchtime, just to regain your vision.

Earlier today, I was blessed by such a moment. It really doesn’t matter how the conversation at work gently traversed to this point.  All that matters is that upon seeing it, the tears started flowing.

For me, it was seeing this antique greeting card entitled “Firecracker Boy…”

BoyFireCrackersMain

I know!  There are hardly words to describe such a sight.

Plus, the questions, oh the questions.

Other than the obvious question of “Why?” there are plenty more.

  1. Really?  Why did people in the early 1900s dress their children up as sailors?  And who thought that this would make a good greeting card?  Did anyone actually purchase this?  Did they give it to a friend?  What kind of a friend would give this to someone?Did the person remain their friend after receiving this?  Was this the birth of frenemies?  Was this the start of a war?  A greeting card that launched a thousand ships?
  2. Can you ever unsee something like this?  Oh, we all wish we could, don’t we?
  3. Why would a sailor bring M-80s onto a ship?  Is he releasing some sort of depth charge?  Is this 1920s-ish boy trying to surface a U-Boat?  Would the U-Boat surrender in fear upon seeing this less-than-poster child for the hardened life at sea?
  4. Are those colored pencils or bottle rockets?  The colored pencil theory would help explain the lipstick.
  5. Without bothering to research the issue, is this one of the Cracker Jack boy’s comrades?  Or perhaps a sinister enemy?  Perhaps, he is seeking revenge on “Cracker Jack” for not receiving that lucrative endorsement deal.  Turns out that revenge tastes so sweet.  Sort of like caramel corn mixed with peanuts, but in this case, the prize in the box is a dark pit filled with hate.  Oh, why can’t we all just get along?
  6. Why if he appears to be Dutch does he celebrate July 4?  Does he just like to blow stuff up?
  7. Could someone please intervene in this boy’s life?  He is obviously crying out for help or else just begging for something to incinerate.
  8. Is this a vision of the Anti-Christ?  Perhaps, but more likely just some sort of impish demon straight out of your worst nightmare.  Will he continue to haunt your dreams?  Most certainly, yes.
  9. Why didn’t this photo crash the Internet?  The World Wide Web must be made of very strong fibers.
  10. and of course, “Why?”  The hardest question to answer of them all.

Excuse me, while I wipe the soft tears from my eyes.  Thank you “Firecracker Boy” for bringing joy to my life.  You can leave now.  Yes, please just leave.

 

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