If at first your brownies sink into a mass of burnt edges and chocolate mush…

Try, try, again.  Oh, wait.  Scratch that.  Cut ’em up and say they are supposed to be gooey.

Problem solved, brownie style.

Topic of discussion at the office potluck:  “White Vegetables” (Don’t question it.  Trust me.  Roll with it.)

Me trying to describe Kohlrabi (by far my favorite vegetable):  “It’s a horny vegetable.”

Time it took me to realize the awkwardness of my statement and poor choice of words to substitute for “horned”:  Exactly one second.

Time it took me to try and recover from my verbal blunder:  the rest of the meal.

Time it will take me to fully extract my foot from my mouth:  the rest of my career.

Kohlrabi, horned.  I rest my case.

LEMON LIME MEXICAN WEDDING COOKIES

“Looking for just the right cookie to remind you of marital bliss?  Here you go!  A traditional Mexican Wedding Cookie with a splash of citrus flavor.  These cookies will have you saying, ‘I do.’  Enjoy!”

1 cup Butter

1/2 cup Sugar

1 Tablespoon Lemon Juice

1 Tablespoon Lime Juice

2 cups Flour

1/4 teaspoon Salt

Powdered Sugar

Cream the butter and sugar.

Mix in the lemon and lime juices.

Mix in the flour and salt.

Wrap dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Place Tablespoon sized balls of dough onto parchment paper lined baking sheets.

Bake for 20 minutes or until the cookie bottoms have browned.  I would recommend that you begin checking on the cookies after 12 minutes, because these cookie brown very quick and nothing makes one cry like burned cookies, except for maybe rain on your wedding day.

Remove from oven and cool slightly.

While still a little warm, roll in powdered sugar.

Cool completely.

Roll in powdered sugar again and live happily ever after.

Makes about 30 cookies.

Revised Source:  “Lemon-Lime Mexican Wedding Cookies” recipe on www.myrecipes.com.

Wedding Cookie Postscript – “Long After the Rice has Landed…”

Savor this day.  Treasure this beautiful moment.  Learn from each other in the years ahead.

Trials harder than you ever imagined await.  You will share joys that will bring tears.  It is however the everyday moments that will define you.

Hold each other close, even when you want to be far away.  Express compassion, even when you are tired.  Patience, when you have had enough.  Love in all instances.

Then years from today, may you turn to each other and smile, because you will find yourself in a place you never imagined, living a life that you would not have any other way, beside the one person that truly understands.

May Godspeed and blessings beyond measure be yours today and forever.

M&M OATMEAL BARS

“Need a summertime bar that will melt in your mouth and not in your hands?  I’ve got you covered.  This twist on a classic will have you reaching for more and not for the napkins.  Enjoy!”

1 cup Butter

1/2 cup Sugar

1 cup Brown Sugar

2 Eggs

1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1 1/2 cups Flour

1 teaspoon Baking Soda

1 teaspoon Cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon Salt

3 cups Quick Cooking Oats

1 cup M&M candies

1 1/2 cups M&M candies

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cream butter, sugar, and brown sugar.

Mix in eggs and vanilla extract.

Mix in flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt.

Mix in oats.

Mix in 1 cup of M&Ms.

Press dough into an ungreased 13″ x 9″ baking pan.

Sprinkle the remaining 1 1/2 cups of M&Ms onto the top of the dough and gently press down.

Bake for 30 minutes or until the bars are set and the top is brown (but not burned).

Makes about 48 bars.

Revised Source:  “Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies” recipe, as found on page 15 of my cookie cookbook, “Today is a Great Day for a Cookie,” available for free exclusively online at www.CookiesbyDave.com.

CANOLA SNICKERDOODLES

“Out of butter?  No fear.  You can do this.  You ‘canola’ do this.  Enjoy!”

1 1/2 cups Sugar

1 cup Canola Oil

2 Eggs

1 tsp Vanilla Extract

3 cups Flour

1 tsp Cinnamon

1/2 tsp Nutmeg

1 tsp Baking Soda

1/2 tsp Salt

TOPPING INGREDIENTS

4 TBL Sugar

1 1/2 tsp Cinnamon

1/2 tsp Nutmeg

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Mix together the sugar and canola oil.

Mix in the eggs and vanilla extract.

Mix in the flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, baking soda, and salt.  Set aside.

Mix together the sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg topping.

Roll one Tablespoon sized ball of dough in the topping and place on a parchment paper lined baking sheet.  Repeat for all of the dough.

Bake for 8 minutes or until the bottoms are browned, but not burned.

Makes about 50 cookies.

Revised Source:  “No-Butter Snickerdoodle Cookies” recipe on www.thefrugalsouth.com

NO BUTTER NO PROBLEM BROWNIES

“It’s Friday night and it’s time to be a rebel.  Don’t worry about butter, you’ve got this.  You’ve got all you need for these ooey gooey brownies.  Trust me and enjoy!”

1 cup Canola Oil

2 cups Sugar

2 tsp Vanilla Extract

4 Eggs

1 cup Flour

2/3 cup Cocoa Powder

1/2 tsp Baking Powder

1/2 tsp Salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix together the canola oil and sugar.

Mix in the vanilla extract and eggs.

Mix in the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt.

Pour into a greased 9″ x 13″ pan.

Bake for 30 minutes or until set.

Makes about 40 brownies.

Source:  “The Best Brownies” recipe on www.food.com

Approaching Mile 3 of our run, my 10-year-old son Sam and I reached a significant hill.  As we slowly ran up the hill, Sam noted that his feet were beginning to hurt.  At that moment, I offered some fatherly wisdom, “Don’t worry, when we reach the top of this hill, it will be no problem.”

Pausing, I realized that my words fell somewhere within the Triangle of Obvious – Worthless – Nonsensical.

“Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say,” I apologized to tired Sam.

Over his panting breath, Sam offered the comforting feedback of an honest son, “Don’t worry, you’ve said a lot of stupider things.”

No truer words have ever been spoken.  More comforting, yes.  More truer, no.

For the last several weeks, my wife has been asking when I will get my car’s air conditioning serviced.  This occasional request has perplexed me.  Sure my car is getting older, but the AC works fine.  Certainly on hot days, the interior of the car isn’t perfect, but it seemed acceptable.  As a result, I would smile, nod, and continue driving.  Yep, I’ll get it looked at…  as soon as it stops working.

The other day, the request surfaced again.  Frustrated, I asked for specifics regarding the problem.  Had it taken too long for the car to cool?  Did she not like my tendency to drive with the windows down?  Was it actually too hot for her?

Equally frustrated, my wife gently took my hand and placed it over her AC vent.  Nothing.  Nothing, but hot air.  On my side, nothing but cool air.  For months, I had apparently been slow roasting all of my passengers.

Um, not a good situation, unless I wanted to convert my car to an oven.  Bad idea.  I know, unlike the selectively broken AC.

Hearing my teenager and his friend chat, one word kept coming up, “lit.”  “I’m so lit.”  “That kid is lit.”  “This dinner is lit.”

There really did not appear to be any logic to their use of the phrase and when I asked how to properly use the term “lit.”  They ignored me.

Time to get my dad on.  Having no fear and completely lacking any sort of shame, I announced that I had only one choice and that was to look up the term on the internet.  Classic “Dad Move.”  Hey, they had adequate warning.

Editing out the reference to intoxication, I read the Google result that was something like this, “Lit is a reference to something that makes you smile, as in your face lighting up.  Lit.”  Adult speak translation, “Stupid drunk smile.”

Looking at me with a stunned and somewhat horrified face in front of his friend, my son asked, “You Googled ‘lit’?!?”

Yep, I’m good with being a dork.  In fact, I’m lit with it.

When last we checked, our hero was in the midst of three separate baseball seasons.  Every evening was filled with line-ups and infield dirt.  Well, two of the three seasons have wrapped up and now our hero finds himself with a night off (gasp!) and many a delayed home repair project (groan!).  Let’s see how he’s doing.

First up, the shower head that has broken once before.  Easy stuff.  Trip to Menards.  Stroll to the same aisle as before.  Purchase same replacement part.  Plan to fix it again in four months.  No problem.  Way to go, Dave!

Second, broken smoke alarm.  Goes to show what happens when you replace a battery in it and it snaps apart (not in a good way).  No worries.  With new smoke alarm in hand our hero goes to install it, but alas it is a different size.  Humph.  Undetered, he grabs a drill and in no time at all installs the new model.  We will ignore the fact that he stood on the bed, instead of carrying the ladder out of the garage and therefore drilled, while balancing and bouncing on the mattress, which is by far the most widely recommended approach.  New smoke alarm installed.  Another project down.  Check.

Only one left on the To-Do List, replace the batteries that operate a high maintenance ceiling fan.  Turns out our hero has never had to do this before, but it should be super easy.  Open back of remote to find…  what?  Really?  The remote needs a A23 battery?  What?  No AA or AAA or hearing aid style, but rather a A23 battery?  Isn’t the A23 a new model of Audi?  Humph, quick run to Menards and a search for the A23.  Our hero doesn’t see it and considers ordering one on-line in defeat.  Then he spots it!  His goal is in sight!  The elusive and high maintenance A23 remote battery!  Success!  Three for three in home repairs for the evening, a new personal record and only two trips to the store needed.  Time to retire, at least for the night.  Our hero.