LEMON COOKIES WITH WHITE CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE

“In the mood for the a little lemon wakeup call? Preheat your oven and get at it! These light cakey cookies provide a nice lemon flavor coupled with the smooth texture of drizzled white chocolate. Enjoy!”

Cookie Ingredients

½ cup Butter

1 cup Sugar

1 Egg

1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1 teaspoon Lemon Extract

2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice

Zest of 1 Lemon (about 2 Tablespoons)

5 drops of Yellow Food Coloring

2 cups Flour

½ teaspoon Baking Soda

½ teaspoon Salt

Drizzle Ingredients

4 ounces White Chocolate

1 Tablespoon Shortening (I prefer Crisco brand)

5 drops of Yellow Food Coloring

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cream butter and sugar.

Mix in egg, vanilla extract, lemon extract, lemon juice, lemon zest, and yellow food coloring.

Mix in flour, baking soda, and salt.

Drop Tablespoon sized balls of dough onto parchment paper lined baking sheets.

Bake for 15 minutes or until the bottoms have browned.

Once firm enough to transfer, move cookies to cooling racks.

Let cookies cool completely on cooling racks.

To make the drizzle, combine the white chocolate and shortening.

Microwave for 30 seconds. Stir. Repeat until completely melted.

Stir in yellow food coloring.

Place drizzle into a plastic bag and cut a small hole in one corner.

Squeeze drizzle onto cooled cookies.

Allow drizzle to completely set, before eating.

Makes about 35 cookies.

Revised Source: “Glazed Lemon Cookies” recipe on www.marthastewart.com.

Summertime Pain: sunscreen in your eyes.

Frustrating Beyond Belief (but strangely understandable) Summertime Pain: trying to drop Visine into your child’s eyes to help with their summertime sunscreen in the eyes pain. #MissionImpossible #MinusTomCruise #or #AnyActionandAdventure

One that I love had been neglected. One that I love was now a disgrace. My dear car, the Ford Freestyle that has faithfully carried by family many a mile was in need of love. You see, over the weekend, its upholstery received a vomit coating. Never a good thing. Well, the mess had been cleaned up, but it started me thinking of the other car-related items that needed attention. Now, I was on a mission. A mission to help the one I love, the car I love.

Oil change. No problem. Car wash. You got it. Fix that passenger side mirror that I clipped over a year ago, while backing out of the garage, and had repaired with “Batman” duct tape. That would need some professional attention. I made the appointment for today and dropped my car off in the morning (the mechanic asked if I had clipped it while backing out on the way to the liquor store… nice touch). Such a good Ford owner.

The house was all settled and calm. I did not want to disrupt the child balance of happiness. Only one solution seemed to work to pick up the one I love, hop on a bike and quickly peddle the one and a half miles to the auto shop. Heading to the garage, I remembered that my bike, which was a hand-me-down to start, has never really worked. Solution: take Charlene’s bike. A woman’s bike should be fine for a quick ride. Anything for the one I love.

Planting myself on my wife’s bike I observed two flat tires. Solution: walk bike a half mile to the gas station. No problem. Anything for the one I love.

Filling the tires, I hopped on the bike. Suddenly, I realized that the seat was way too low. Not wanting to ride the whole way with my knees hitting my chin and not wanting to bother with adjusting the seat, I figured I would ride the duration standing up. Anything for the one I love.

Starting to pedal, I became self-conscious, I was not wearing a helmet. Safety issue number one. Continuing to pedal, I realized that I was wearing flip flops, which on every rotation would clip the back tire-holder-bar (a technical biking term). Safety issue number two. Pushing my feet to the front of the flip flops and pushing down hard, I became determined that my toes would survive. Somehow. I also reminded myself that my childhood was spent without a bike helmet, which explains the long term impacts illustrated in me from many a fall from a bike. Oh well, quickly to the auto garage. Schnell! Schnell! Anything for the one I love.

Did I mention it was hot today? Did I mention that after about three rotations of the bicycle’s pedals I was sweating like a hog? No worries. Anything for the one I love.

So there I was, pedaling along on the sidewalk, no helmet, wearing flip flops, sweating like a pig, and standing up on a woman’s bike. All I needed was clown makeup and the picture would have been complete. Humiliation is temporary, love is forever. Anything for the one I love, the car I love.

Arriving at the repair shop, I could see my car. Waiting for me. Faithful as always, the one I love was ready for another adventure. Let’s drive (no helmet required).

Ah, bedtime in the Paulsen house.  What better time to randomly abandon your socks throughout the house?

In this case, however, my 6-year-old son Ben’s socks seem to have selected a restful garden setting for bedtime.  Good choice.  Goodnight socks.  Goodnight noises everywhere.

My 11-year-old son Jacob has a tendency to get dirty.  Intentionally dirty.  Such as rolling in dirt or sand or any other substance that might require intense cleaning.  This is partnered well with his interest in pouring water on himself.  Such as emptying a water bottle onto his own head or dunking his head in the kiddy pool or any other water related activity that might require intense drying.

Tonight, this dirt tendency came into play.  Watching his brother’s baseball game, Jacob came to sit by me in his mother’s camping chair, while she was away chatting with friends.  So there Jacob was sitting in his mother’s chair rubbing sticks together.  Yep, rubbing sticks together.  Sort of like the method used to start fire, but in this case just to make a mess on himself and the chair.

Looking down at the pulverized bark mess that he was generating, Jacob turned to me and asked, “Mom isn’t going to be happy with this, is she?”  Confirming his fears, I then dug deep into my “Fatherly Advice” file and provided this nugget of wisdom.  “You had better hide the evidence.”  Honest feedback served fresh on a warm summer night.

PS – Don’t write about your mishap and place it on the Internet. That would be a really bad idea.

One of the best parts of having your own website is the statistics.  What post has been most popular?  How many people visited your site yesterday?  What search terms were used to access your site?

Well, usually they are the “best” part of having your own website, but every now and then, the stats can be troubling.  Such as, earlier this week, someone found my website by entering the term “lumpy butt” into a search engine.  Not “cookies.”  Not “socks.”  Not “silly dude with a blog.”  Nope, I was found via “lumpy butt.”  While, I am happy to have a new visitor, I would like to clarify that I do not have a “lumpy butt.”  I am also not known as or have I ever been known as “lumpy butt” (at least not that I know of and by the way, that would be hurtful).  Unsettling.  The whole thing is just a little unsettling.

Okay, full disclosure, a little while back, I wrote a post called, “Pocket Fail and Lumpy Butt.”  I was pretty happy with the post, but I never wanted it to become my online legacy.  Worse yet, my Google legacy.  Thankfully, I chose not to include a photo of my actual rear.  Needless to say, that would have really been a legacy to avoid.

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Now for the clue…

What do you want for Christmas?

In a desperate attempt to hold onto vacation, I have let my “vacation beard” grow wild even after we returned home. Unfortunately, it has grown scratchy. Sadly, it does not look good. Thankfully, I have realized that it is time for “vacation beard” to go.

So as I lather up with some good ol’ Barbasol, I find myself thinking back to carefree days by the lake with my 8-year-old son Sam’s socks.

(Editor’s Note:  okay, so they are my 11-year-old son Jacob’s socks, but someone placed them in Sam’s duffel bag, so Sam ended up wearing them and setting them all over the place.  Therefore the title is “Sam’s socks” even though they are technically “Jacob’s socks.”  Ugh.  I may have to consult my legal department about this one.)

Yep, there were Sam’s socks in the cabin enjoying a little R&R. Rest on, socks. Relax on.

Sam’s socks on vacation…  or are they Jacob’s socks?  Better question, why are they on the dining room table?  Ugh.  Even on vacation, some questions are best left unasked.

BASEBALL SUGAR COOKIES

“Just in time for the All-Star Game, here’s a sugar cookie that will knock it out of the park!  Enjoy.

PS – Thank you to the Willmar Red Sox for a great weekend of summertime baseball.”

Cookie Ingredients

1 cup Butter

2/3 cup Sugar

1 Egg

1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

2½ cups Flour

½ teaspoon Salt

Piping Ingredients

2 cups Powdered Sugar

2 Tablespoons, plus 2 teaspoons of Lemon Juice

Red Food Coloring

Flooding Ingredients

2 cups Powdered Sugar

3½ Tablespoons Lemon Juice

Cream the butter and sugar.

Mix in the egg and vanilla extract.

Mix in the flour and salt.

Chill the dough for 4 hours.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Roll out dough to 1/8 inch thick.

Cut into circles using a biscuit cutter or a round cookie cutter.

Bake for 8 minutes or until barely colored (the bottom will be turning light brown).

Allow cookies to cool completely.

Prepare one batch of piping without the food coloring by combining the powdered sugar and lemon juice.

Place piping into a plastic bag and cut a tiny hole in one corner.

Pipe the icing in the circle around the outside edge of the cookie.

Prepare the flooding by combining the powdered sugar and lemon juice.

Place about one Tablespoon of flooding in the center of each cookie and spread out until the top of the cookie is covered.

Prepare a second batch of piping, but include enough red food coloring until the color matches that of the stitching on a baseball.

Use another plastic bag with a small hole, pipe on the red icing to decorate the cookies to look like a baseball.

As an added touch, pipe on your favorite player’s number.

Allow icing to completely dry.

Makes about 40 cookies.

Revised Sources:  “Sugar Cookies” in my cookie cookbook, “Today is a Great Day for a Cookie,” on page 26.  “Royal Icing” recipe from “Cookie Craft” by Valerie Peterson and Janice Fryer.

Baseball and sunflower seeds.  A natural pairing.  Baseball, a leisurely sport.  Sunflower seeds, a food best enjoyed, while taking your time.

So there I was enjoying my son’s baseball game.  Enjoying a bag of flavored sunflower seeds.  One after another, I would shell the little seeds, eat the contents, and discard the remains.  One after another, with only two simple rules.  Cast off the shells (1) where they will not bother anyone else and (2) discard them in such a fashion as to not look like a pig.

This is when I glanced down at my feet and realized I had failed.  Failed baseball.  Failed sunflower seeds.  Failed to discard my sunflower seed shells properly.  Failed all, with a sunflower seed perched on my sandal.  Fail.

Ah, the “Sunflower-Seed-Shell-Landing-on-the-Sandal Fail.”  #ClassicFail

Great news!  We found Jacob’s socks!  Turns out they are raised in triumph, while celebrating an opening game victory at the baseball State Tournament.

Go Willmar Red Sox!