3 o’clock. The witching hour. The time at work when I desperately need a snack.
Today was no different. I went prowling. Then, I saw this…
The most delicious quarter of a leftover doughnut that my eyes had ever seen.
Okay, hold onto something… plot twist. I actually summoned something from deep inside me. I walked away. I actually did it. I resisted temptation. I left the quarter doughnut.
I could claim that I didn’t want it, but I did. I could claim that I passed on it, because it looked so sad and worn out. It did, but no, really, I actually dug deep and resisted the temptation. Okay and yes, it made it a little easier, because that quarter doughnut had seen better days.
My 10-year-old son Ben sat patiently, as I got my hair cut. He appeared to be playing on his phone, but it soon became apparent that he was also listening.
After finishing up and paying, as we walked to the car, young Ben remarked, “You apologize a lot about your eyebrows.”
Yes son, indeed I do. Not that they are freak-like, hideous, or even ugly, it’s just that they get bushy. Very bushy. And as I age, the bushiness has become more pronounced. Yes, random hairs now dangerously (some would say boldly) stick out. Unless they are tamed, standing too close to me sometimes requires goggles.
Oh and I have tried to trim them myself, but the attempts never look right, always awkwardly short. I have tried to pluck the wayward hairs, but there’s always one to take the place of one just plucked. No, professional assistance is best. And those professionals deserve an apology.
I probably am not an unusual case. Many probably suffer from similar bushiness, but I have never heard another request for such treatment.
So there you have it, you now know my silent suffering. An ailment that is only discussed in the shamefully whispered requests under a barber’s shears.
One of the final bodily reminders of last Sunday’s marathon, besides the torn calf, is my sad black left ring finger toe’s toenail. Yes, it’s sad that it takes so many words to narrow down a body part, but it’s also sad to see it die.
I’m not sure what happened during the race, but before the toenail looked healthy and now it’s a dark grey that looks all shades of nasty.
I look at it and get sad. Poor toe, it just doesn’t look right and now I have accepted that this is a long goodbye.
Not a long toe, but a long farewell. A long, ugly toenail goodbye and I hate to say it, but “Toenail, if you’re gonna fall off, please do it soon. You just ain’t pretty to the eye.” And just between you and me, my toes were not lookers to start.
At work, I wandered off to a conference room, in order to place a quick call to the doctor’s office. While sitting on hold, I realized that there was a perfectly good whiteboard, just waiting for some scribbles of poetry. So this was my contribution to the world of literature for the day. Partake and enjoy or I’m sorry, either way, you’ll soon understand.
“So this week is the United Way Giving Campaign at work. As part of the festivities, they have a building-wide potluck. My contribution was smiley face ‘Give Happy Cookies,’ since the campaign brands itself with a smile.
All well and good, right? Well, today I was super surprised with some compliments. ‘Are those store bought?’ Me, ‘Uh, no. They’re homemade’ (blushing).
Also, my friend Lisa overheard the United Way rep talking aboutthe smiley face cookies. ‘Those are made by an anal baker.’ Um, compliment? Yes, in terms of uniform cookie shape, size, and consistency. Let’s agree to only use that title within that context. Thanks.
Any who, folks, it turns out that it is good to be an ‘Anal Baker.’ You wouldn’t think so, but it is, because that United Way rep was also a Dessert Judge and based upon the Grand Champion award, it certainly pays off to be an ‘Anal Baker.’
Oh and as for the Give Happy sugar cookies, enjoy!”
1 cup Butter
2/3 cup Sugar
1 Egg
1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
2½ cups Flour
½ teaspoon Salt
Whipping Cream
Yellow Colored Sugar
Powdered Sugar
Black food coloring
Cream the butter and sugar.
Mix in the egg and vanilla extract.
Mix in the flour and salt.
Chill the dough for 4 hours.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
On a floured surface, thinly roll out the dough (1/8th inch and up) and cut the dough into circles using a biscuit cutter.
Brush the tops of the dough with whipping cream.
Sprinkle on yellow colored sugar.
Place disks of dough onto parchment paper lined baking sheets.
Bake 8 minutes or until the bottom of the cookies have lightly browned.
As the cookies cool, mix together powdered sugar, whipping cream, and black food coloring to create icing in a consistency appropriate for piping.
Once the cookies have cooled completely, make “smiley faces” with the black icing.
Enjoy and “Give Happy” to the United Way :0)
Makes about 36 smiley face cookies.
Revised Source: “Sugar Cookies” recipe on page 26 of “Today is a Great Day for a Cookie” available for free at www.CookiesbyDave.com.
I was excited. My co-worker told me that he saw a photo of me finishing the Twin Cities Marathon. Something about a local news station posting “100 Memorable Marathon Finishes” or something like that.
I pictured myself in a state of pure joy. Something like this…
Then, I saw the photo, which looked more like near death. Exactly, like this…
So today, I ran a marathon. I was six minutes short of my personal record. My slower than record performance appears to be attributable to two things.
I gave high fives to every spectator within reach for over four hours. It’s hard to walk (er, run) away from a willing crowd.
I ate and drank everything in sight. As Charlene observed, I am probably the only person running the marathon, who gained weight.
Well, let’s see. What did I consume?
There was the mimosa. Delicious. Then the beers. How could I say no? A donut hole, licorice, Jolly Ranchers, pickle juice, as well as numerous cups of Gatorades and water. To my credit, I did pass on the bananas and orange slices, because well you know, healthy.
So next time, just say no to snacks and cheer with the crowd a little (a lot) less. I may get a personal record, but it sure will be a lot less fun.
