While watching my son’s Quiz Bowl match (okay, it’s not exactly Quiz Bowl, but you get the idea), they decided to engage the parents with a few questions.

I leaned forward in my elementary school gym metal folding chair.  I was ready to strike.  You see, I was never quick enough at information recall to make my school’s Quiz Bowl team.  Looking around the room, I could tell that the other parents were unprepared.  This was my chance at redemption.

“Who is the current Secretary of State?” I answered eagerly, “Rex Tillerson.” The moms glanced at me with admiration.  Not only is that dad moderately dad-level handsome, but he is also up on world affairs.  Dad-level sexy.  I shrugged with smug self assurance.  Ladies, did I mention that I contribute to NPR?  Just listen to the room swoon.

Next question, “What prominent feature of the White House lawn was removed in 2017 and what President was it associated with?” Another softball!  “A tree.  Jackson.” Dumbfounded, the room stared at me in wonder.  I was a geek on fire.  Thanks again, NPR.

Next question, “What 1950s Ray Bradbury novel tackled issues of censorship?” I got this!  Quiz Bowl glory at last!  “Fahrenheit 45…” I stumbled.  At what temperature does paper burn?  Damn you, faulty recall. I guessed “7.” Wrong!  The answer was Fahrenheit 451.  I missed by 6 lousy degrees.  Even worse, I actually read that book in High School, as opposed to the others that I pretended to read and wrote about anyway.

Kids, just goes to show.  NPR might make you “dad-level sexy smart” later in life, but nothing can ever replace paying attention in school.