As my wife glanced across the dinner table, she noticed something that was completely lost on my cluelessness.

“Son (name withheld to protect the innocent), are you wiping your hands on your shirt?”

Son removing his hands from his shirt responded, “No, (insert lame excuse/lie).”

Well, you certainly should not use your shirt as a napkin (even I know that), but points for having the common sense not to waste a perfectly good confession on something as small as that.  Save it for something big (even I know that).