Fact: I like having a toothbrush and toothpaste no more than 100 feet from my grasp. Fresh breath is nice, I like it. As a result, every powder room and bathroom in my house must contain a toothbrush and toothpaste available for my immediate use.

Fact: This strange habit has been the same for all of our houses.

Fact: Cleaning stuff out of our attic, in preparation for yet another move, my lovely and forgiving wife Charlene uncovered a long neglected box.

Fact: Upon opening the old moving box, Charlene discovered a toothbrush (with nasty toothpaste buildup on the handle) and toothpaste, along with powder room decorations from our old home. In Kansas. Where we moved from four years ago. When the movers appear to have just shoved everything from the powder room into a box. Along with my toothpaste. And my toothbrush, which features nasty toothpaste buildup. A lot of buildup. And very nasty. All now mummified and well preserved for study by future civilizations that wish to investigate why people used to brush their teeth in their attic storage space. Obviously a society addicted to minty fresh breath, duh.

Fact: I have used the intro “Fact” way too much.

Fact: I could not even blame the ancient toothpaste/toothbrush combo on someone else, because it was found by my prescription ointment. Whoa, hold it right there slugger, too much information. Extra gross. Don’t you wish you had a toothbrush/toothpaste combo close by to wash the taste of this post out of your mouth?

Fact: I did not repackage the toothbrush or the toothpaste, because dental freshness must come from an unexpired and non-mummified source. Fact.

Really, David, a rule of thumb should be that when your toothbrush develops an inch-thick ring of toothpaste buildup, it is time to buy a new toothbrush. That or of course box it up, ship it to a new house, and unpack it in four years. Both perfectly acceptable solutions, you make the call that’s right for you.