The “Big Cookie” in all of its big and extra special glory.

Ha! You won’t find this at the mall cookie shop, because this cookie is both big and extra special. Duh.

DARK CHOCOLATE M&M BIG COOKIE

“Wanting something special to inspire a work team, I went big. Big cookie, that is. Then to make it extra special, I substituted Dark Chocolate M&Ms for chocolate chips and presto… something extra special! Big and extra special, what more could you want from a cookie? Enjoy!”

½ cup Butter

½ cup Sugar

¼ cup Brown Sugar

1 Egg

¾ teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1½ cups Flour

¼ teaspoon Baking Soda

¼ teaspoon Salt

½ cup Dark Chocolate M&Ms

½ cup Dark Chocolate M&Ms

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Grease a 13”x9” pan or preferably a 12” diameter Wilton brand Round Cookie Pan.

Mix butter, sugar, and brown sugar.

Mix in egg and vanilla extract.

Mix in flour, baking soda, and salt.

Stir in ½ cup Dark Chocolate M&Ms.

Spread dough within one inch of the edge of the pan around the entire perimeter. This will allow the cookie dough room to expand, while baking.

Spread the remaining ½ cup Dark Chocolate M&Ms over the surface of the cookie dough and gently press down.

Bake 15 minutes or until golden brown.

Cool pan on wire rack for 5 minutes before cutting into slices with a pizza cutter.

Makes about 8 long triangular cookies.

Revised Source: “Big Chocolate Chip Cookie” recipe, as found on page 6 of my cookie cookbook, “Today is a Great Day for a Cookie,” which as always is available for free download at www.CookiesbyDave.com.

That moment when you realize your use of a Sharpie has bled through to the working surface (Damn!).

Only topped by that moment when you realize that your use of a Sharpie has bled through to someone else’s working surface (Double Damn!!).

Googling “How to Remove Sharpie Stains” (Pitiful…).

Planning on giving the “Toothpaste Removal” option a try (Extra Pitiful…).

A pretty awesome drawing of a cartoon criminal zebra mussel.

Almost worth it (Almost, but not quite).

Ah, it appears as if cardboard Macaulay Culkin has found himself in a pickle, due to some unpaid debts. Strangely enough, he appears calm as a cucumber, even while being stored in the trunk of a Ford Taurus.

What will become of our child star? Will he ever come back home… even if he finds himself all alone? Will someone make him an offer he cannot refuse?

Hold your breath and don’t go anywhere. We know that cardboard Macaulay won’t either.

A few years ago, I received a box of goodies in the mail from my parents. Much to my surprise the top layer contained a life size cardboard cutout of “Home Alone” child movie star Macaulay Culkin. Ha!

Priceless, plus I hope they properly ensured the box enough to cover a cardboard human inside.  Ha!

Or at least ensure that there were enough air holes for the voyage. Ha!

Well, I have gained lots of pleasure out of Macaulay being a part of our family.

Here he is with the boys shortly after joining our family…

Here he is with me, while I was “Home Alone”…

Here he is in a cameo keeping watch over our snowmen, with the help of Minnesota Twins (cardboard cutout) Second Baseman Brian Dozier…

Here he is featured in an episode of “Where in the World are Jacob’s Socks?”…

My favorite pastime with Macaulay for which I don’t have a photo, but was oh so fun… placing him outside our guest bedroom at night to freak out visitors. Diabolical cardboard sidekick? Indeed.

Unfortunately, cardboard Macaulay has become the victim of circumstances beyond his control. You see, we are moving and I have way too much stuff in storage and in order to save my marriage, I must clean up some of my stuff. Ah, my dear Macaulay, it is time for us to part ways, but first, a proper sendoff is in order. As a result, I am proud to announce a new occasional and completely shown at random www.CookiesbyDave.com miniseries, “Macaulay’s Farewell Tour.”

Parting is such sweet sorrow, but there is no reason that you have to go right now. #TheLongGoodbye

Macaulay shown here in his plush attic accommodations. He still looks happy, because I have yet to tell him about his forthcoming departure from our house and household (gasp!).

Brace yourself for a shocking “Dave’s Attic Cleaning Find”… in the same plastic bag, Yogi Bear and Planet of the Apes mini-figures.

Worlds collide and the end result… a Charlton Heston scale epic.

Grab some popcorn, sit back, and get ready for… “Picnic Basket of the Planet of the Apes.”

Yogi: “Hey, Boo Boo. Is it just me or are those chimps carrying rifles?”

Boo Boo: “Yogi, it may have been a bad idea to steal the picnic basket from the army of angry-gun-toting-talking-monkeys.”

Yogi: “Yes, Boo Boo, but you know how hard it is to pass on good bananas.”

Fact: I like having a toothbrush and toothpaste no more than 100 feet from my grasp. Fresh breath is nice, I like it. As a result, every powder room and bathroom in my house must contain a toothbrush and toothpaste available for my immediate use.

Fact: This strange habit has been the same for all of our houses.

Fact: Cleaning stuff out of our attic, in preparation for yet another move, my lovely and forgiving wife Charlene uncovered a long neglected box.

Fact: Upon opening the old moving box, Charlene discovered a toothbrush (with nasty toothpaste buildup on the handle) and toothpaste, along with powder room decorations from our old home. In Kansas. Where we moved from four years ago. When the movers appear to have just shoved everything from the powder room into a box. Along with my toothpaste. And my toothbrush, which features nasty toothpaste buildup. A lot of buildup. And very nasty. All now mummified and well preserved for study by future civilizations that wish to investigate why people used to brush their teeth in their attic storage space. Obviously a society addicted to minty fresh breath, duh.

Fact: I have used the intro “Fact” way too much.

Fact: I could not even blame the ancient toothpaste/toothbrush combo on someone else, because it was found by my prescription ointment. Whoa, hold it right there slugger, too much information. Extra gross. Don’t you wish you had a toothbrush/toothpaste combo close by to wash the taste of this post out of your mouth?

Fact: I did not repackage the toothbrush or the toothpaste, because dental freshness must come from an unexpired and non-mummified source. Fact.

Really, David, a rule of thumb should be that when your toothbrush develops an inch-thick ring of toothpaste buildup, it is time to buy a new toothbrush. That or of course box it up, ship it to a new house, and unpack it in four years. Both perfectly acceptable solutions, you make the call that’s right for you.

Problem: I cleaned out my closet and tossed out my only two pairs of jeans, because they were all ratty and did not fit right anyway. Unfortunately, it is getting cold out and the yard will need to be racked soon. It is time to purchase new jeans.

Candidate #1: I kind of liked these jeans. They were baggy and seemed to fit fine in terms of height and waist. Unfortunately, my caring wife’s evaluation was that they looked “awful.” My defense, the President wears jeans like this (a.k.a. “Dad Jeans”). My patriotic, but honest, wife’s response, “They look awful on him, too.” Ugh, sorry jeans candidate #1, back to the shelf with you.

Candidate #2: This pair was dark blue and endorsed by my objective wife. Unfortunately, these jeans were tight. I mean Olivia Newton John’s leather pants in “Grease” kind of tight, but in a very bad way. I mean, you could see everything and that is NOT a good thing. Plus, every morning and night, I would need the assistance of a crane to fit into these bad boys. I was a walking sausage and the jeans were the casing. Ewwww. My persuasive wife tried to tell me that I just was not used to non-tent-like jeans, but I was snug, far too snug. I wish I could show you a picture of me in these jeans, but this is a family show and I don’t want trouble with the FCC. Trust me, there would be trouble with the FCC. Sorry jeans candidate #2, back to the shelf with you.

Outcome: My patient wife eventually waited through six or seven jean tryouts, unfortunately none were an agreed upon match. The weather grows colder, the leaves prepare their descent, I shiver and wait for the right jeans to come along.

SPICED OATMEAL M&M COOKIES

“These cookies are a variation of my Grandma Franck’s Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies, where just a hint of nutmeg and the substitution of M&Ms turn these cookies into an Autumn Festival of flavors. The brightly colored M&Ms will engage your eyes, while the cinnamon and nutmeg will dance on your tongue. Simple, flavorful, and fun, what more could you want in a cookie? Enjoy!”

½ cup Butter

¼ cup Sugar

½ cup Brown Sugar

1 Egg

½ teaspoon Vanilla Extract

¾ cup Flour

½ teaspoon Baking Soda

½ teaspoon Cinnamon

¼ teaspoon Nutmeg

¼ teaspoon Salt

1½ cups Quick Cooking Oats

½ cup M&Ms

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cream butter, sugar, and brown sugar.

Mix in the egg and vanilla extract.

Mix in the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.

Stir in the quick cooking oats and M&Ms.

Drop tablespoon size balls of dough onto parchment paper lined baking sheets.

Bake for 10 minutes or until golden brown.

Makes about 30 cookies.

Revised Source: “Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies” recipe found on page 15 of my cookie cookbook, “Today is a Great Day for a Cookie,” available as always for free at www.CookiesbyDave.com.

And this is why you never look at the back of a statue. #AsIfYouNeededaGoodReason

I don’t know if I should be more bothered about my 11-year-old son Jacob’s socks playing hookie or Jacob apparently going to middle school sockless.

#HisShoesareGonnaSmell #Nasty