The baseball season has long been compared to a marathon, well in the case of the 2021 Baltimore Poorioles and the Arizona Take-em-Backs it was more like them battling it out inside a dumpster fire on the Titanic. Yep, we were all glad to see the fire put out, but at what cost?

Coming into this week, those two somewhat-teams were in a race to the bottom and both stumbled over the finish line, face planted, and tasted the bitterness of 110 loss seasons. Bruh. Really, a tie? That’s like kissing, not your sister, but for 110 losses, more like the bottom of your sister’s shoe, after a walk through the forest. Yes, lots of sadness, regret, and sort-of-a-minty-damp-Earth bad taste in your mouth.

So last week, the Poorioles put on a valiant effort to save the nation from the inevitable, another Yankees-Red Sox playoff game alksdfans; Oh sorry, I seem to have fallen asleep at that thought. Any who, the Poorioles pulled it together, stopped winning, and dropped Game 162 to the So-Blue-at-the-Thought-of-No-More-October-Baseball Jays in a fitting drubbing of 12-4. At least make it look like you are not racing to the bottom.

As for the Take-em-Backs, I thought they had it, I really did. Then to the shock of the State of Arizona (word has it that they even looked up from recounting ballots to watch), Josh VanMeter homered in walk off fashion. I will not even dwell on Mr. VanMeter’s .212 season batting average, because the Baseball Gods have given me something sooooooooo much better to reflect upon. Josh VanMeter’s nickname is (wait for it, it is worth it, I promise) “Meat Sauce” (too good to be true, which by the way was my nickname in college). So “Meat Sauce” grilled the Rock-Bottomies. I am sorry, but “Meat Sauce?” What a delicious finish for the Take-em-Backs.

Well, there you have it. A tie at the bottom. Congrats to our Co-dolences the Poorioles and Take-em-Backs. Now enjoy your offseason of heavy drinking and try to forget 2021. Sadly, good advice for all of us.

The End… of the 2021 Regular Season.

Here we are entering the final week of the season and things are really heating up in the race to the bottom.

The Baltimore Poorioles and the Arizona Take-em-backs are knotted at 106 loses. A fine total for any all-time epically bad team, but these contenders have more to give, including wins to actual pennant contenders.

As for the Poorioles, they face the Red Sox and Blue Jays, both needing wins, while our fearless contestants, the Poorioles simply want to survive. Live another day. Hope this quality of play actually counts toward their service time.

And how about Cedric “Why Must I Suffer Here” Mullins? Trapped in a Poorioles uniform, while he struggles not to show up his teammates too much. Yep, he has 30 homers, 30 stolen bases, and has a batting average of… .299?!? Really, one point off from a 30/30/.300 mind altering moment. Give us one more point, buddy. Please. What a showoff, sort of. Sort of like the Poorioles are a major league team, sort of.

Hold it right there! Don’t give the Poorioles the title just yet, because we have the Take-em-backs, a fearsome bunch with star players such as Madison Bumgarner, who by the way will certainly not be pitching in the World Series this year, which I am sure makes Bumgarner mad like a well Mad-Bum (fitting), but I disgress. The Take-em-backs have star fire power such as Bumgarner and well, that’s it. Zero. Zilch. Nadda. Nothing. In fact, their leading homerun hitter according to www.mlb.com is Eduardo Escobar with 22 homeruns for the Brewers. What?!? In a cost saving move, did they fire their stats guy, as well?

Well, the Take-em-backs are scheduled to face the Giants, who need wins, and the Rockies, who need to figure out who will still play for them, after they trade Trevor Story in the offseason.

So there you have it, a battle to the bottom. Right now based on strength of schedule, the Poorioles seem to have the edge, er disadvantage, and the pity of the nation.

See you in one week, to reflect on this season’s winner, er loser.

My condolences to the Twins (insert your own “double” joke), Paingers, Senators, and Pie-rats. You did a fine job losing and maybe next year will be your time, but for now, look on and commence with trading whatever you have left.

And it seems fitting to say, “My apologies to Steve Harvey” (a.k.a the brilliant Los Angeles Times sportswriter who authored “The Bottom 10”).

Big points for the Paulsen Boys, who exchanged their dignity for one more egg hunt. Thank you for making your old man smile.

Promise, it wasn’t me.

Yep, 2020 was a dog of a year. #Fact

In the Paulsen House, Santa prefers his cookies by the dozen.

Oh and Merry Christmas from our house to you.

Looks like Charlene’s socks are hungry for pie!

Happy Thanksgiving to all from CookiesbyDave.com.

I’m back!

(It’s hard to keep a good cookie down… or something like that… because “hard to keep a good cookie down,” just does not sound right.)