Welcome to “Dirty Danish,” a two part Internet event, posted exclusively on www.CookiesbyDave.com.  Sit back, grab some popcorn or your favorite pastry, and enjoy.

Let me first clarify that Paulsen is a Danish last name.  My ancestors came to America from Denmark.  This post in no way is intended to offend the people of Denmark, Scandinavia, or those of such ancestry.  All that being said, this post is about a pastry.  To be more specific, a dirty pastry.  A dirty danish.

I found myself heading toward the late morning session of a training conference for work.  On my way to the session, I passed the refreshment table to pick up another cup of coffee.  That is when it all started to head downhill.  There, sitting next to the enormous coffee jug-like container, was my diet’s nemesis, a delicious looking strawberry and cream danish.  Drizzled with icing, the calorie laden breakfast goodie beckoned me.  “Eat me.  It will be worth it.  I promise.”  Alright you sinful little treat, I’ll take you along and when you think about it the walk to the next session will probably burn at least 3 of your 550 calories, so why not?

Arriving at the late morning session with my coffee and yummy looking danish in hand, I observed that the room was mostly empty.  Finding a chair on the end of an aisle, I planted all of my goodies, including my notepad, pencil, briefcase, program schedule, coffee, and of course the oh-so-delicious looking danish.  Considering that people were slowly entering the room, I figured I would have a few minutes to visit the restroom and return, prior to the start of the session.

Returning to the room, I headed toward my clearly marked chair to find (gasp, in a slightly offended tone) that someone was sitting right next to my stuff and (with great emphasis) my danish!  Considering that she was still getting settled, I figured I could quietly resettle in the next aisle toward the front of the room.  While I quickly tried to move my goodies, the newcomer, in the still largely empty room, was cluelessly settling into her spot, which was to anyone with any sense of space way too close to my spot, which had been clearly marked by my danish.  Moving all of my stuff, the pencil, the papers, the coffee, and the beloved highly anticipated danish, I was accomplishing quite the balancing act.  That is when she glanced up and said, “Oh, I set my stuff right next to you.”  And what would have been your first clue?  Perhaps, the lone danish?  You know pastries don’t often attend seminars alone, much less take notes.  By the way, it is very dangerous for a pastry, must less a very tasty looking danish, to travel alone.  Just sayin’.  Well, her acknowledgement that she had set her stuff down too close to me was just enough of a distraction to cause my papers to shift.  The papers that were holding my danish and in one swift motion my pastry slid off its tiny Styrofoam plate and onto the banquet hall carpeting below.

Somewhat stunned, somewhat saddened, I stared at my sinful treat, which was now resting face down on the floor.  Tick, tick, tick.  Seconds passed.  I stared at the pastry.  She glanced at the danish and before I knew it, she reached down, picked up my treat, and handed it to me saying, “It’s okay, it was on the floor for less than five seconds.”  Okay?  Maybe for you, close sitting lady!  That was my tasty sinful I-really-should-not-be-eating-this-on-my-diet treat!  Maybe in “close sitting world” it is okay to eat such things, but I have my standards, or so I thought.  [Insert dramatic music composed by John Williams.  Fade to black.]

Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of “Dirty Danish,” an Internet event, posted exclusively on www.CookiesbyDave.com.