Without fail, whenever Charlene and I go out for a drink, mine will arrive at the table and be by far the most girly drink you have ever seen. Umbrella. Slice of fruit. Weird glass. Without fail, mine always looks silly for a man to be ordering.
Well, tonight it happened again. After hearing the selection of draft beers, I ordered a pint of Blue Moon beer, since they did not have Guinness or Bass on tap and at least I would be getting half of a Black and Blue. All well and good, right? Wrong, instead my pint of beer arrived with a slice of orange. Good Lord, how could this have turned out so bad?
Never fear, hoping to make the situation better, I inquired if they had Guinness in a bottle. My thought was that by drinking half of my girly beer, I could correct the situation by pouring half a Guinness on top and thereby making it a Black and Blue and transforming my girly fruit slice drink into a coolio fancy pants drink.
Still willing to help our table, the waiter indicated that they did not have Guinness in a bottle, but only in a can, would that be fine? Yes, most certainly, but here is where my attempt at redemption was side railed. I ordered the Guinness in a can, as well as a spoon. What? Well, you need a spoon to pour a Black and Blue, but who in their right mind orders a drink and a spoon? Loser. Girly strange loser.
My only chance at redemption remained in the actual pouring of the drink. If I kept my wits about me, ignored any fear that the waiter displayed in bringing a beer along with a spoon (Was I going to order a bowl next? Yes, Guinness is a thick drink and I prefer to consume it like a soup. Loser. Super loser.), and poured a perfect drink, I could still redeem my dignity, manhood, and evening.
Holding the spoon steady, I poured. Perfection. The perfect drink (well a little disproportionate on the Guinness side, but a man can be forgiven for such failures) and the perfect look. My night had been saved. Time to enjoy my Black and Blue, as well as my slice of orange.
The look of a near perfect Black and Blue. Tasty. Pretty. Perfect. Redemption in a pint glass.