This weekend, I was (hopefully) my family’s final recipient of pink eye.  It sure went out with a bang.  Sort of like, “Take that Paulsen Family.  I own you!”  Yep, both of my eyes a nasty weeping red mess.

Well on Saturday, I finally went to see a doctor, who of course said, “Keep doing what you are doing and it will get better.”  What?  No miracle cure.  No sugar pills.  Something, anything, please.  Oh well, she did say that I was no longer contagious, even though I looked like absolute Hell and she kept cleansing her hands with Purell.

Okay, so not contagious, but I sure looked the part.  Best to stay home.  As a result, on Sunday morning the family went to church, but I could still sense the beast in my house.  On every door handle.  On every bathroom hand towel.  The virus was waiting to attack.  Just waiting to strike another family member.  I had to take action.

So, while my family was praying, I was going to go on a bit of Sunday morning rampage.  Good luck evil virus, here comes a little shock and awe.  I headed to the grocery store with every intention of purchasing the most power cleaning supplies possible and a lot of them.  That bug was going to meet its end.

As I headed into the store, I remembered one thing.  I looked nasty.  Gross.  Hideous.  Eyes glowing red.  I had confirmation that I was no longer contagious, but how would anyone else know?  Only one thing to do:  hide my eyes.

I put on my sunglasses and marched toward the cleaning supplies.  Clorox wipes?  Fill up the cart.  Bleach?  Sure, why not?  Bathroom cleaner?  No use going half way.  Then I noticed something, people seemed concerned.  Other shoppers were holding their children close by their side.  Workers took long pauses, as I passed.  I was no longer Mr. Red Eyes, I was now creepy sunglasses wearing Mr. Either Had A Rough Night Or Should Be A Cause For Concern.  The situation was not what I had in mind.

I hurried with my cart to the Self Check aisle, because the less human interaction at that point the better.  I scanned.  I paid.  I headed out the door.

Taking off my sunglasses, my eyes would now be free.  Free to recover.  Free to see the vengeance that I would soon rain down upon those germs.  My eyes would soon see and I would no longer be creepy.