In honor of America’s birthday, I would like to play the Supreme Court’s favorite game, “What would the Founding Fathers do?”

Today’s situation:  the Cheddarwurst.  Oh come on, know your meats.  Cheddarwurst = Cheddar-filled bratwurst.

So there I was, preparing to enjoy a Cheddarwurst, just like our Founding Fathers would have done, if they were alive today.  Biting into the delicious cheese filled meat creation, I misjudged the length to bite ratio.  Yes, that’s right, my bite caused the remainder of the Cheddarwurst to rise from the bun and lightly “thwap” me on the side of my nose.  Wiping the mustard and shame from my face, I took another tasty bite.

Now, WWtFFD?

George Washington – Would have prepared a surprise counterattack on the bratwurst, but would wait until the next major holiday (Labor Day) to launch his strike.

Thomas Jefferson – Would have written a lovely poetic verse about how the Cheddarwurst violated basic human rights.

John Adams – Would have penned a very long letter to Abigail detailing the experience.

Alexander Hamilton – Would have invested money in a bakery that produces “bratwurst flip prevention buns.”

Benjamin Franklin – Would have had a stiff drink and made a not-so-subtle move on the remaining Cheddarwurst.

Aaron Burr – Would have remained somewhat unstable.