Given that our future is wide open, I have begun to consider things that I would like to accomplish over the next several months.  Yes, it is sort of a local bucket list.

One of the more epic items on my list was placing a large (extra long) scarf around Chief Kandiyohi’s neck.  Let me first explain a few things.  1) Chief Kandiyohi is a large golden statue of a Native American chief located in the center of Willmar, Minnesota.  2) Chief Kandiyohi is a really tall statue.  Much taller than a real person.  Much more golden than a real person.  I am not exaggerating.  3) Chief Kandiyohi does not wear many clothes.  4) Every time I drive past with statue, while the kids are in the car and it is cold out (this happens a lot in my family wagon in Minnesota), I comment to the kids, “I bet Chief Kandiyohi is cold.”  5) Like most of my jokes, I have told it way too many times and the kids just groan in response.

Well, I figured it would be an epic local bucket list item to place a long scarf around Chief Kandiyohi on a cold day.  Snap a photo.  Promptly remove the scarf.  No harm.  No foul.  All silly.  All epic.

Just one problem.  Like I said before, Chief Kandiyohi is pretty tall.  Oh, another problem.  Putting a ladder up against him would look very awkward.  Problem 3.  Some would consider this act of silliness vandalism, although if I take the scarf down right away, is there really a problem?  Is anyone hurt?  Any permanent damage?  Any victim?  Nope, nope, nope, and nope.  Only silly.  Only epic.

So, I began to consider the challenge of how to get this done.  I developed a plan that would make even Wile E. Coyote green with envy.  Weave a ribbon through the stitching on a baseball, tie the other end of the ribbon to the end of a scarf.  Repeat with a new baseball on the other end of the scarf.  Go up behind Chief Kandiyohi, toss the first baseball over his left shoulder.  Repeat for the right shoulder.  Walk around to the Chief’s front and using the ribbon raise the scarf around his shoulders.  Snap a photo.  Cut one of the ribbons and use the other ribbon to pull off the scarf.  All easy.  All peasy.

[Author’s Note:  Yes, I have given this way too much thought.  Don’t judge.  Feel free to go overboard on your bucket list and I promise to keep quiet.]

Last week, while the truly cold days were coming to an end and the Chief was still in need of a scarf, I convinced my sons that there was nothing illegal about my plan and we began constructing the ribbon-baseball-scarf-pulley-mechanism.  Time was ticking.  We had to act fast.  First problem, we value our baseballs too much.  Confronted with loosening the stitching, we opted to try out whiffle balls first.  Approaching the Chief with our elaborate ribbon-whiffle-ball-scarf-pulley-mechanism, we confronted our second problem.  It is very hard to accurately throw a whiffle ball up that high.  Third problem, even if we got the whiffle ball up that high and past the trees surrounding Chief Kandiyohi, it would take two perfect throws, one over each shoulder.  Nearly impossible.

As several throws went up (each one missing), a whiffle ball or two accidently hit Chief Kandiyohi’s back (upper back, mind you, not butt).  Each ball impacting Chief Kandiyohi produced a hollow thud.  At that moment, I realized he is not made of pure gold (shock!), but rather fiberglass (pure guess).  I was also glad at that moment that we did not throw baseballs toward the fiberglass statue.  Sure we were failing, but at least we weren’t damaging.

Convincing the boys that our attempt was folly and explaining that is why Chief Kandiyohi does not don winter clothes, I realized we had failed, but still I was proud.  I had fearlessly tackled my bucket list and now I knew the answer to the age old question, “Why isn’t the Chief scarfed?”  Answer:  “It’s super hard.”  All effort.  All good.

File photo of “Chief Kandiyohi,” shown on a lovely (too warm for a scarf) day.